Beaming Hope

4. Start to something new

As things were getting better, I then knew that I was changing as well.

I was no longer as empty or lonely as I was before, my dad was taking care of us now too.

It was no longer just my sister and I, it was the three of us; the three newly formed musketeers.

I started to open up to people more, I started to socialize and go out with my best friend as I had never done before and I for once had no worries other than school drama and school work.

I didn't have to stress about my sister so often with her being older way more mature than I was at her age. I still took care of the house hold chores and cooking and the picking her up from school but I no longer felt the need to be there next to her at every single moment. I knew now that everything would be ok. Sure I was still over protective but I felt we both had more freedom now, more space to breath. I felt like bird being released from its cage. At that moment the bird did not know it could have more space, like me it was happy with the space it had but as those gates opened a new sky was left to explore. I no longer had the chains of responsibility pulling me down. I knew my family would be okay and that finally I would be okay too.

I would finally be able to spread my wings and soar the world. College was coming up and I could now make a decision to go wherever I like, I could even go out of the state geez even out of the country if I wanted to, but with so many new found possibilities I couldn't go through with it.
I knew I was released but how was I to be able to fly away...
I couldn't abandon her like she did. My family is newly bound together; after so man years, I would not leave just yet. More like I couldn't even with freedom and my dads permission to do so, I love my sister and my new found family too much to leave just yet.
Even if it is for college, my escape. I just wasn't able to fly for it.

So deciding against out of state I stayed in state and enrolled into the closets state college and stayed with my family and my best friend.

After graduation I realized just how much things had changed for the better, I had not spoken to my mother since she left and I know she's doing fine from her social media post. Her contacting us by choice is un hears of. She hasn't even tried to contact us once.
Our connection just seems like it will never be made again. Even if she is my "mother" never again will she be my mom.

As for college I do not regret staying, sure I wish I could party and be as care free as many as my high school friends were but I do not care because I have the people I love most at my side united. I made my choice and I do not regret the choices I have made. They will never be a sacrifice because I had my options and support. Staying was one hundred percent my choice.

I'm slowly opening up... I do not trust people easily because I know "love' is just a word without meaning unless it has actions.
My once shielded self and I can only hope things stay steady.
I can't handle people coming and going so I choose the people in my life carefully. Like a glass slipper I know that my future heart holder can shatter me at his will so I must be careful.
I am fully prepared to take risks but I will not jump till i'm ready.

As for the past I try not to think back to it. Every thing happens for a reason and we could only hope for the best. My optimism has saved me from falling into an endless abyss. I might have been a suicidal case by now if I let the hits of life take me down all the time. J refuse to be broken.
A while back I met a boy. The most perfect boy. My soulmate but if was an instant thing, in a second a connection was made and vanished just like that.

I do look back on it and question, imagine how my first crush turned out and if I would ever get to run into him again. But I doubt I ever will. Its just wishful thinking on my part.