Two Vatos Locos Full of Carnalismo and Inamoratos

Chapter 12: Boom, Static, Torn Awake by a Self-Obsessed Maverick

Ryan was a prodigy that was tainted by nonexistent guardians, a candle put out simply with neglect.

He knew that about himself.

He remembered when he was little that he'd he snuck out the sedan his parents drove and gone into a music store next to the bar his parents were drinking at. He'd sat down at the piano and had learned to play in one night because the shop clerk had thought Ryan was the son of one of the persons taking saxophone lessons.

Ryan had started to sneak into that music store every time his parents went to the bar to get slammed, which was basically every night anyways, so Ryan learned a lot. He'd hidden in a corner with a ukulele and played with the music that was coming from the radio so no one would hear him. Same with a guitar and a bass guitar and even a standing bass. The standing bass had been after Ryan made friends with the store owner, an older man who'd taken pity on the little boy with hollow features and parents that would drive well over the legal limit. Ryan remembered the way the man would look terrified every time Ryan was dragged from the store by iron fists that bruised his tiny limbs.

Ryan wished he could go back in time and get the old man's number before the man had been shipped away to a hospice by his resentful children.

. . .

Ryan remembered the man as he carefully perused the Guitar Centre he was visiting for the second time.

The first had been for the Secret Santa three weeks ago, where Ryan had gotten Ray a new guitar strap since he'd pulled Ray's name from the hat. The world was now two weeks into January and Ryan had wanted to come back since he'd first gotten the strap.

He wished he could actually buy an instrument. A guitar. Ryan wanted to play again, more than anything. He'd been forced to sell his old acoustic after moving out of his father's house. Five years later, and Ryan wanted nothing more than to buy a new guitar and remember how to play. He was sure Ray would help teach him. He wanted to be able to play again. He knew it would be good for his health. A sort of personal therapy that he could definitely use right now. Just a way to get out his frustrations and fears.

Ryan didn't have three thousand dollars to spend. But he did have enough for the Epiphone, Limited Edition, Riviera Custom P-93 in wine red. He got a cheap black strap with leather ends so they wouldn't wear and drop the guitar, and then looked at how much he would need to save for an amp to buy later on.

Ryan went home with a small smile on his face, the guitar in the passenger seat, and the distinct feeling that everything was going to be okay.

. . .

"Is that Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds?" Ray asked as he smiled, watching Ryan fumbled his way through playing. Ray had been eager to lend his amp to Ryan, though Ryan had the volume down as low as he could, too embarrassed to let anyone else hear him fuck up.

Ryan nodded as he played, concentrating on the strings under his fingers. His callouses were long gone and the tips of his fingers stung, but he kept playing. He knew he would break the skin soon. He didn't care. He felt addicted to the music, to the feeling of the vibrations under his skin. He hadn't realize how much he missed this until he had it again.

"You're really good," Ray told him.

Ryan glanced up at him and managed a smile. For all their planning, Ray had chickened out of proposing to Mikey, from sheer nerves alone. Ryan felt bad for him. Ray was one of those guys who needed the perfect moment to do something as big as proposing. Ryan and Josh had shadowed him and tried to encourage him, but to no avail. And Ryan and Josh hadn't been alone together since that first night of lip locking. Not because they didn't want to, but because Tyler and Jenna were getting even more successful with their food trucks and Josh had started to help them out. Ryan kinda missed Josh.