The Favor (BOOK 1 & BOOK 2 INCLUDED)

18. I'm Fine

My ceiling was very bland. How I had come to that conclusion? You wouldn't guess. Maybe you would, but, probably not.

I was lying on my back on my bed, staring at the white ceiling in deep thought. Oh, and you can't forget the human being on top of me who was continuously kissing my neck. It was only a mere distraction, though. Many other things were on my mind, not just Trevor himself.

The minute I started to kiss Trevor, my feelings flew out the window. With Trevor kissing my neck, I didn't have the urge to cry, or scream, or any of those things. And I didn't want to because that would prove that Brendon held so much power over me. Not just that, but I could prove to them that they didn't hurt me in the slightest. That, of course was a lie, but they didn't need to know that. And maybe if they didn't know that, I could even convince myself that I wasn't hurt.

It's just, I find it so silly how I went into our friendship knowing that this was about Gillian. Yet, in the end, I got hurt. And to top it off, through out all the guys who have done this to me, this one hurt the most.

You'd think by now, I'd see it coming. Some how, I still had hope. And I feel stupid for thinking I had a chance this time. I truly am gullible. But you can't forget that it was all staged, as well. Brendon put on a show to make me feel important. And I confessed my feelings of importance with Ri. But she doesn't even deserve that name anymore. Mariana, for some reason, wanted me to get heartbroken. I didn't even know her before that stupid party at Simone's when I got pushed in the pool. Maybe that was the red flag. How blind could I be?

The tears started to well up in my eyes once again. But I couldn't be vulnerable in front of Trevor. I couldn't be vulnerable in front of anyone anymore. There isn't a single person you can trust.

"Kiss me," I demand of him, bringing his face up to mine. He didn't hesitate his answer, but only kissed me with passion. But in a situation like ours, it couldn't be passion. It either had to be pity, or nothing at all.

Our lips moved together, but it felt wrong. The taste of his lips came off sour, while Brendon's was sweet. And his hands didn't feel right on my body. They felt wrong, and misplaced. The heat of his body was burning in a bad way. Brendon's hands always felt right, and his body heat was comforting. It was nothing like this.

Don't, Lily. Trevor might be the guy who will appreciate you, don't ruin it with a guy from the recent past who ended up being a jackass anyways.

But don't they all?

I pressed my body up against his to get rid of the aching pain. It worked. My shallow method of using someone to get over another person worked. I knew it was wrong, but I had a feeling this was just a game for him too. He didn't want me for who I was, but what I was. The girl with the popular best friend, the girl with a good reputation, the girl who couldn't find someone to love her. Maybe this really was all out of pity.

I don't want to think about this, I decided.

_____________________

It was Saturday night now. The day after Valentine's Day. I had all of yesterday to process what happened, and most of today to find new interest in a new guy. Or an old guy, if what happened last year really did count. But we didn't even get as far as kissing, so I could definitely say that it was new for me.

Trevor and I were headed to a party. A party with drinks and craziness, which was exactly what I needed right now. I needed drinks and craziness so I could distract my mind from the already craziness.

I walked into the house with Trevor at my side. The music was already loud, people were already drunk. It was the perfect time for me to join in.