No Control (A Cody Carson fanfiction)

Chapter 15

*QUICK NOTE*

Hello friends, I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much as I should, I've had a lot on my mind, and I'm lazy. Also, school will be starting up for me again, I'll be going into high school! With school comes shit loads of work so I will probably be slow on updating. Anyways, here is chapter 15! I love you.

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Constance POV

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I opened my eyes slowly, I was blinded by the bright light coming in through the hospital windows. I moved my arms a little, only to feel the burn of relapse shoot through my body. I hissed at the pain and bit my lip, I remembered when this was a regular thing, I remember being hospitalized alost every month. I remember being put into a pysch ward for 6 months, only to come out and be bombarded with abuse again. The cycle never stopped, in my mind it didn't at least. I had been clean for at least 5 months, but my brain never got used to it, considering I had been struggling with this since I was 10, and I'm now 22. You want to know why I started don't you? Well, it started because of my family situation, I lost my mom to a fatal car accident when I was 8, my mom was always a drinker. She would drink all the time, no matter what. One night me and her got in a fight because I wanted her to stop her habits, she stormed out with a bottle of vodka. Later that night she collided with a semi, nearly crushing her. To add on to that my dad abused me, it was never bad until mom died. He blamed me for her alcoholism and her death, he would beat me almost everyday. I was afraid to go home after school so i'd wander around town, going to all the shops. One day he found out, so he never let me use the bus back home, he would always drive me home after school. His beating continued until I was 16, that's when I moved out. I dropped out of high school and devoted all my time to music and art. Until I was raped... by my dad. No one ever found out, and i'd like to keep it that way. I try and put it behind me, but its very hard. The particular nightmare I had last night was the moments just before I was raped, my dad knocked me out, and I remember waking up to him... on top of me. And I couldn't do anything about that. After that incident I became severely depressed, I stopped eating entirely and had panic attacks every day. I tried taking my life, when my best friend Matilda found me, I went to therapy and got better, met Cody, and now her I am again.

I moved my head to see Cody still sleeping, I blushed lightly at his slumbering body, he was stretched out on the small pull out bed, his fitting grey v-neck lifted a little so I could just see his abs. I giggled quietly and looked over at the clock, 8:30 AM. I'm sure the doctor would be in soon. I yawned a little too loudly, then heard Cody groan. I looked back over at him, waiting for him to wake up. I saw him open one eye, he saw me and sat up immediately, both eyes open. He ran over to me and took my hand gently, careful not to move my arm too much.

"Goodmorning." I said, my voice croaking, I probably looked horrible, judging from my pale hands.

"Goodmorning, are you okay?" He asked, I nodded.

"I'm hanging in there... thank you." I said, he squeezed my hand.

"Why are you thanking me?" He asked.

"Because if you never came to check on me... i'd probably be dead." I whispered, I saw his eyes flash a look of worry, but he smiled at me, I missed that smile so much, it made me smile.

"I love you, my little fox." He said, kissing my forehead.

"I love you, my cody bear." I whispered, smiling at him. He pulled up a chair just as the doctor walked in. He smiled an old smile at me, I smiled back.

"I see you're up, goodmorning Constance." He chimed, I nodded at him. "And goodmorning to you too Cody." He said.

"Ditto." He said, making the doctor smile. He came up to me and checked my stand with the blood in it.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm doing okay." I said, fiddling with my hospital wristband. He nodded at me.

"I see, Cody, could you leave the room for a minute." Cody noddded and left quickly. The doctor sat down in the chair next to me and took a deep breath, something bad was coming. "Constance, I need you to take into consideration what I'm about to say, really think." He looked at me, I nodded slowly. "I think that in your condition, it's best to admit you to a psychiatric ward for a while, probably 6 to 8 months." As he spoke those words something bubbled up inside me, I was angry. I never want to go back there again, it hardly helped. I felt so trapped.

"No." I said blankly, his expression saddened. "Dr.Garrison, in all respect, I will never go back there again. It didn't help me at all, if anything it made my worse. I will more than happily stay here until I am stable enough, but I am not going back to that hell hole." I stated, I saw him nod, sighing.

"I see where you're coming from Constance, but you need help. If I just send you out, you'll be surrounded by your triggers and won't know how to deal." He said, the anger bubbled hotter this time.

"Won't know how to deal? I was clean for 5 months out of 12 years, I tried so hard. Now, you let me go and I swear I'll go back to therapy." I said, my teeth clenched.

"Constance, I will let you stay one more night, then you can leave, but if you come back. You are going to the psychiatric ward, no questions asked." He said, I nodded. He smiled at me and got up. "Good, the nurses will be in to give you your breakfast." He said, leaving the room. Shit, breakfast. I would have to find a way to curb my intake, napkins, yes! I would ask for extra napkins and spit my food into them, and then insist I wasn't feeling well. As I devised my plan Cody walked in, I smiled at him.

"The doc told me." He said, "I just wanted you to know that I support your decision, and I will do my best to help you." I nodded.

"Hey um, what day is it?" I asked.

"Umm Thursday, why?" He said.

"We only have 3 more days together." I said, he looked at me sadly, sitting in the chair next to my bed.

"Well you're getting out tommorow, so we can have fun." He said, he noticed my sad look and took my hand. "Constance, can... can I ask you something?" He asked, I nodded at him. "Why did you do it?" He asked, gesturing to my bandaged covered arms. I sighed and told him the story, I left out the rape though, he could never know about that. He'd probably think I was disgusting if he did. I looked at him after telling him, his mouth was open slightly, his eyes big, he was shocked. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry babe. But you're safe now I'll help you, I love you." He whispered, hugging me. I started crying, he pulled away, wiping my tears away. "Why are you crying?" He asked.

"How will you help me when you're across the country?" I whimpered, he looked hurt.

"Babe, I don't care what it takes, I'll stay behind if I have to. I will help you through this, we'll make it work. But don't worry about that now." He whispered, it calmed me. I nodded, wiping my eyes as best as I could without my arms breaking. That's when I saw the nurses come in with my food.

"Breakfat time dear!" Nurse Winona chimed, I really liked her. She was probably in her late 30's, and she was so kind and gentle. I smiled at her, she was followed by nurse Gretta, she was older thaan Winona, she was nice too.They placed the tray in front of me, on it was 1 one egg, 2 pieces of toast and orange juice. I had forgotten they served you portions based on your weight, lucky me.

"Thank you!" I said smiling, they nodded, saying their goodbyes and leaving. I ate my egg slowly, finishing it with one piece of toast and half the orange juice. After I ate I turned the TV on, watching Spongebob Squarepants.

"You're such a child." Cody laughed, I looked at him, pouting.

"I need cuddles." I whined, he rolled his eyes as he slipped into the hospital bed with me, the bed was fairly big and I didn't take up much space, so he fit good. We snuggled watching kid shows and talking about random crap. It was really nice.

I was not looking forward to when he would have to leave.