Mirrors | Malum

29

Calum

Maybe my reality is that I'm dead inside; living in perturbed boundaries with caskets inside of my mind because it's a daily ritual of mine to imagine myself lying underneath the flowers that I hate when people pick. But then there are the moments that I spend with Michael and I can feel all of the oxygen circulating around me like an aircraft getting people to their destination and he just gives me the gratification I never knew I needed until I met him.

He's precious; he's a substructure collage with photographs of beautiful memories; of blowing out a candle on his first birthday cake to performing on stage for the very first time with a guitar in one hand and a microphone in the other. He's the humor that sends chills down my spine because hearing him laugh reminds me of the times I'd attempt magic tricks and try to woo people away, and I found it so alluring when nobody else did.

Michael probably would though. He's angelic after all.

"Have you ever looked at your eyes?"

"My eyes?" I reposed, making sure I heard him correctly because how could somebody look at their own eyes? It's a projection of what you see in a glass frame and from what I've known all of my life, mirrors are deceiving. They hide the bitter truth or the beautiful truth that describe to you in splatters of paint and graphic details whether you're good looking or repugnant. I'm more on the second part of the latter, considering Michael is the only one who has ever found me attractive.

"Yes, that is what I said."

"My eyes," I stated quietly, "I haven't really looked at them like that." The truth is, I haven't seen the color of my eyes since I was twelve. They've probably changed and gotten uglier but from what I can remember, they're brown.

"There's flowers blooming in them."

I felt confusion boiling inside of me. Michael tended to make me feel like this a lot, considering that nobody has ever attempted to use metaphors as a way to describe beauty with that beauty being me and I've never known myself to be beautiful, only a monster that lives under beds of the children that want to sleep peacefully.

"What kind of flowers?"

"Every single kind. I can see the colors and they are the colors of the rainbow just dancing in line beneath your pupils. And when they dilate, I can see the vines planting themselves beneath the seeds and Calum, you're so fucking beautiful."

"My eyes literally look like the color of shit. How are there rainbow looking flowers blooming in eyes that could compare to the solid inside of a toilet?"

Michael sighed heavily as he leaned against my bed frame. Yes, my bed frame. He was still at my house since my mum let him stay over for the night.

"I wish I could prove to you just how beautiful you are. Words don't seem to be enough in this case."

"Well, actions might show as well but I don't know much since I've never been seen as beautiful until you came along," I mumbled under my breath as I picked at my chapped nail polish and of course he told me to stop it because the dark blue looked nice on me and it was rather different than the black, which is my usual go to color.

"How am I supposed to show you that you're beautiful when I'm not allowed to kiss you?"

Okay, maybe he was right. But I wasn't ready to feel his lips on mine because that would equal the inclination of being attached and being attached would lead to the substantial pain of heartbreak and I can't handle being heartbroken again.

I just can't.

"Please let me prove to you, at least one day, that you are as beautiful as waking up every morning."

Waking up in the morning isn't beautiful, it's tremendously terrible and the worst thing anybody could ever want when they're as depressed as I am.

"Maybe that was a bad metaphor. Let me try again," Michael pursed as he looked at me with his big doe eyes and licked his chapped, plump pink lips that looked kissable but again, I wasn't ready for that kind of action, "I know. Have you ever stood on top of one of the highest buildings and you could feel the breeze running through your fingertips and your hair would fly to the steady pace of the wind? And you could just feel yourself breathing as you stare out into the city and you just say wow, I'm really alive?"

"I've never actually done that, but if I'm being honest here, I feel like that every time I'm with you; standing on the highest peak and you're the air that pelts against my skin and it just feels so nice to have comfort from someone like you."

"Awe, you're going to make me cry," Michael retorted honestly as he sat up this time and leaned more towards me, gesturing for a platonic hug but I nearly squeezed the life out of him because he was so sweet and I regret taking him for granted during the beginning of our journey. I mean, I never would have guessed that I'd be able to fight off some of my demons but I did. And it is literally all thanks to him.

"Well, if telling you the truth is going to make you cry, then so be it." Okay, perhaps I should have been less blunt but I couldn't help it. I've allured myself into his cocky ways and now I'm trapped in a cage from all of the shyness and I'm stuck living a reality that kind of feels like a game. I have to know the skills to get to the next level, and Michael is waiting for me every step of the way. He's my next chapter in a novel I'd be willing to read. He's my best selling book because I could honestly write a 500 page book about how much I admire him and it still wouldn't be complete because there's so much to say about Michael Gordon Clifford.

"I really like you, Calum."

I smiled softly, linking my fingers with his as we got into a comfortable position and sat with our unsteady breaths nearly matching each others paces.

"I really like you too, Michael."

And I know it seems rushed, maybe too rushed but I think there's a possibility that I might love him and that scares me beyond measures. And it'd probably scare Michael too.

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A/N:

YOU GUYS GOT THIS STORY PAST 1k wHAT

I'm throwing a party you're all invited. Free food. 🎈🎉🎉🎁🎊🛍

Thank you so much. For everything. For the reads and the comments and the votes and o k a y maybe I'm making a huge deal out of 1k but like that's a lot. Sure, it's not 150k or whatever but I don't need that many reads because at least there are people like you who actually read my story. ily all so much okay. 💕💕💕💕💕

Bye my little fritters. 💋