Mirrors | Malum

38

Calum

I was standing in the living room, my arms crossed and feet pressed firmly on the ground. I tried to remain calm as I noticed that my parents were laughing and playing around in the kitchen. It wasn't fair for them to push the one person who actually makes me feel something away, when they're still foolishly in love themselves.

"Calum, dear, why are you looking at us like that?"

"I hate you."

"What?" Joy asked, all of the happiness draining out of her body, her hands gripping onto the stove handle for support because I probably gave her a miniature heart attack.

The truth is, I didn't hate her. I hated her and my dads actions, but it was too late to take it back now. Far too late.

I remember Mali dragging me out of the house when my mum started crying. I definitely didn't mean to upset her, but I was caught up in the moment and needed to release my anger. All I've ever wanted was somebody that I can trust and the moment I do, they're taken away from me?

Michael, he's my map. He's the direction that will take me wherever I need to go and will protect me from getting lost. He's the atlas in my heart that knows practically every inch of me even if he hasn't explored yet. The one who knows every accidental flaw within the outline but still finds it beautiful regardless because flaws are beautiful to him. I'm beautiful to him. He's bleeding color on a daily basis, adding splatters of passion that paint my black and white canvass. He's those creeks that rest between the valleys or in the forests and he's the sound of the ocean waves. Michael is the definition of happiness, and I think I'd be lost if he weren't the map I needed to guide me through this journey. I didn't have to go through it alone, thanks to him.

"You shouldn't have said that to mum, you know " Mali pointed out as she leaned against the window of the train. I knew she was just as upset about it as I was, except it was obvious that she was disappointed in me, "I love Michael, don't get me wrong. He's like a brother to me, now. But I feel like he's changing you."

"W-What do you mean?"

"You never would have spoken to mum like that before he came around."

"It's just called confidence, Mali. And I've gained a lot of it because of him. He's - he's helping me with my eating disorder and with my mental health and I-"

"When is he going to realize you're afraid to look in the mirror?"

I never felt so petrified in my life after hearing that question. I didn't think anybody noticed, but apparently my sister did.

-

Michael made it to GAD before we did. It was weird, really, because I remember the schedule he had of standing near the train and waiting for his to arrive so he could go to his job at Olive Garden while I'd sit on the bench and wait for Mali. I still wait there sometimes, even if it's at three in the morning. He's given me a place that's worth going to, and that's a shitty bench inside of a train station. An area that changed my life forever.

"Hey baby boy," Michael said, pressing a firm kiss to my forehead. I found myself blushing underneath his touch but as usual, I wouldn't admit that. He didn't need to see my flushed face that looked like a tomato when I was embarrassed and or nervous.

"Hi darling," I said awkwardly before clearing my throat, "is it weird that I miss your snarky pick up lines?"

"Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful."

I blushed again, hating how he made me feel in a matter of seconds. It was also ridiculous because I expected him to look up a couple, but it's like he had a generator of them inside of his head and they just clicked whenever I mentioned them.