Left Behind "Destined From The Beginning" (Markson)

Chapter 6: "First Kiss"

I saw jackson leaving me, my only friend due to my unnecessary emotions he was leaving me. If he had to leave then why did he entered in my life, i questioned myself. Once again it was a dream, i woke up on mom's voice, she was calling me because it was time for school and i was going to be late. I stood up from the bed and then there was sharp pain in my body, my whole body was like that someone had beaten me and my head was also spinning, i held my head in my hands and it was burning with fever, but i decided to go to school because i didn't want to stay at home all day thinking about him.

At school as expected jackson was absent and for me time was difficult to pass, may be because of jackson or fever. At lunch time i decided to go to medical centre. At the door of medical centre i fainted and after almost an hour I gained my conscious back and saw my parents sitting next to me and there was IV drip inside my arm.

"Mark! How are you feeling now? If you were not feeling well then you should have told me or at least you should have taken the medicine".

"Mom, i thought i was going to be fine because it was just fever, you don't have to worry", i was still in school medical centre. I finished my IV drip and come back home with my parents and went directly to my room. I lay down on bed and took my cell phone in my hands. I was unconsciously expecting jacksons message or call but there was no contact from him. I thought of contacting him but i didn't have enough courage. I threw cell phone away because i was tired of my inner fight, i wanted to run away from this and get some rest.

In evening i walked down the stairs in the kitchen for dinner and i still had fever but i didn't show my parents that i was still in pain because i didn't want them to worry about me. I was not hungry but i ate a little bit for their satisfaction. I took medicine to bring down my fever and again fell in a sleep.

I was thinking about jackson again, there was continuous fight between my heart and brain, my heart was not ready to leave him but my brain was insisting me that it's time to let him go, you are fine on your own.

I opened my eyes and saw mom sitting next to me and it was not my room i was in the hospital and there were cold towels on my forehead to lower the fever. When mom saw me awakening she called the doctor. Doctor checked me and told me to have some laboratory test. All my laboratory tests were clear and there was nothing wrong, they told my parents that cause of fever was may be tension or depression, he referred me to the psychologist.

I entered in the office of psychologist and saw a man in his twenties sitting on chair.

"Hi mark, i am Tan Hail but you can call me Tan. Do you like to take tea or coffee?"

"No thanks i am fine", I was not comfortable there i wanted to leave and run to someplace, somewhere where i was alone and there was no one else.

"So mark what your hobbies are?" he suddenly asked me.

"I liked to dance and sing and these are my hobbies", i straight forwardly answered him.

"It's a good hobby and it also keeps your body in a good shape. You are in school and also in an academy, I am sure you have many friends, who is your best friend?" he asked in very friendly way.

"I don't have any friends, i am fine at my own, i am there only because of my parents and i don't need any counselling and don't want to talk about myself with anyone," my tone was suddenly rude may be because of the word "friend".

"It's ok mark, don't get depressed let's talk about something else",

"I am not feeling well i want to leave".

"Ok you can leave but visit me again when you feel to talk about anything". He was still friendly, which made me guilty of my behaviour. At home mom was making lunch and asked me to help her. When i was helping her, she asked me about jackson and i had no words to tell her about what happened between us, so i lied to her that he was fine.

I skipped school for three days and by asking about jackson, mom sent me again to my thoughts leading to a continuous fight between my brain and my heart. I was again burning in fever i decided to skip school and on that day i finally made a decision of letting go of jackson because i was tired from all of this i wanted to be normal again, i wanted to go back to my old self.

When i decided to let go of him, he texted me

04:17 PM Thursday

From Jackson

"Marky, where are you?"

04:20 PM Thursday

From Jackson

"Why are you skipping school? Are you ok, i am worried about you"

Then he called me i didn't picked up his call because it was hard for me to accept him again, i didn't wanted to be hurt again. So i decided not to talk to him or engaged with him, i wanted to be my previous self i wanted to go back on my shell. He visited me at home but i pretended to be in a sleep, so he left without meeting me. I didn't attend school on Friday because i wanted some rest.

On Friday i visited Dr Tan, and this time i didn't hold anything back and told him about jackson. I told him that i made only one friend in my life but due to my unnecessary emotions i lost him. He told me to talk it out with him, but i didn't wanted to make a friend again, i listened him quietly and on my way home i continuously thought whether i should talk to him or not .

On whole weekend i was in my room and i convinced myself that to go back on my old self was best for me. Jackson again visited me i still managed to ignore him. On Monday, i was ready to go to school with a promise to myself that no matter what i was not going to make friends or talk with jackson. I knew it was my entire mistake that's why i wanted to close that chapter and wanted a new start.

When i reached school, i started to feel pangs in my stomach due to nervousness. I was unconsciously ignoring everyone and no one cared about me at school which made me a little bit released. Suddenly, someone from behind grabbed my hand and dragged me outside the school and when i saw the face it was jackson.

"jackson, leave my hand and let me go, i don't have anything to say and explain, i was and am sorry about everything", i tried to lose my hand from his grip but his grip was strong.

"Shut up and follow me, i still have many thing to say to you, if you can't follow me then i have no other choice but to carry you, it's your choice". To avoid embarrassment i followed him silently at the back of school. I was afraid of him he was looking angry.

At the back of school he practically pushed me toward the wall.

"Jackson please listens to me, let me...." I was talking to him but he cut me in the middle of my sentence

"For the first and last time i want you to shut up and listen to me, i want you quiet". He said me while grabbing me from my shoulders and his eyes was focused on my face. He was looking for words to start.

"Where were you? You don't know how worried i was. How you left me after kissing me, you have no idea how hard it was for me to accept my feeling about you, i tried my best to block and avoid them but i was not able to do it, i think i also like you mark". His confession was unaccepted for me, i was in shock. When i finally decided to cut all ties from him then why was he shaking me again with all these words?

He holds my face with his hands and with a split of second i feel his lips on mine and he was kissing me. He broke the kiss after few seconds

"I am sorry marky for hurting you and sorry that i came late". Then he kissed me again and at that time i found myself kissing him back, it was a passionate kiss and a kiss having many unspeakable words and mixed feelings of sorry, thanks and love.

I didn't wanted to break that kiss, but to breath we had to break it and then jackson placed his forehead on mine "Marky what you have done to me?" For the first time i saw him that close to me i was feeling his breath on my face. It was the best day of my life.