Left Behind "Destined From The Beginning" (Markson)

Chapter 11: "It hurts...."

Feelings! Its hard to say, its hard to express. You keep on loving, but you know its not returned. You keep on smiling, but you know it hurts deeply . You keep on caring, but you know its not appreciated. You keep on hoping, but you know its not meant to be. But when that time comes, at that very point of time, at that very moment, deep inside your heart, you know that sometimes it seems that holding on is best, but actually, it is letting go.

After departing from jackson i walked toward home and i knew that at home a storm would be waiting for me and as expected mom was angry with me and she took my cell phone for a week as a punishment and know i was grounded as well as i don't have my cell phone. I was really worried that how i meet him or how i informed him about my punishment, i promised him that i would meet him at airport.

That night, i couldn't able to fall a sleep even for a single second. I kept thinking about him , that how he entered in my life, how he woke emotions in me, how he helped me to see true self of me and know after all of this how he was leaving me. Next morning i was little dazed due to lake of sleep and i couldn't eat breakfast or lunch, i just locked myself in my room and in their i just lied on bed and stared at a bracelet which jackson gave me.

That day time was passing like a flash of light, his flight was at 5 in the evening and when i saw at time it was 3:45 PM. I didn't get any chance to sneak out so i decided to begged permission to saw him. I walked downstairs to talked with mom. I saw mom doing dishes in the kitchen. I stood in kitchen's door for a minute and then collected all of my strength and walked toward her .

"Mom , can you please let me go only for half an hour to meet jackson,please mom" I asked from her.

"No mark you are grounded and this time i am not letting you sneak out and i couldn't want to hear any excuses from you and i can't let you go whether you have to meet someone or jackson understand". She said angrily.

"Mom please just this time please let me go i will be back in half an hour i promise, please mom try to understand if i can't meet him today i might not be able to see him again" I begged her.

"Stop making excuses and go back to your room". I have no other choice but to go back to my room. I slammed my room door on my behind in anger, i don't know whom i am angry with. I throw my self on the bed and buried my face into the pillow. I cried myself so hard that my sugar level dropped down or may be because i couldn't eat anything since yesterday.

I heard news on t.v about plane crash, firstly i didn't paid any attention on this but when i heard that plane which was going to Hong Kong on which jackson was traveling crashed, the plate in my hands fell down on the floor and i felt like that someone ripped out heart from my chest.

Then i woke up and thanks to god it was just a bad dream and when i woke up i was covered in sweat and my heart was beating so fast like soon it was going to ripped out of my chest and my throat was dried. I saw time it was 6 in the evening and the chance to saw him for the last time was gone and i might not be able to saw him again.

I walked downstairs in to the kitchen to drank water, it was hard for me to walk and my whole body was like that someone sucked out all energy from it. I poured water into the glass but then suddenly it felt like whole room was spinning and the last sound which i heard was breaking of glass.

I saw him leaving again but i was holding his hands and not letting him go but he was trying to break free of his hands from my embrace, i was crying like a baby and begging like a beggar in front of him to not leave me but he was cold jackson who break free his hand from mine and he leaved with his last words which hit me like a bullet "Mark forget me and moved on".

When i woke up i was in the hospital's private room there were lot of machines connecting to me and also drips. There were flowers in my room and mom was sitting beside me on chair.