Everyone Can Be Bought

(20) Food

"I keep telling you that you'll die from an empty stomach one of these days." Hedge sighs and drenches the pancakes in syrup.

"Sorry Hedge, I just feel like there's so much to do and so little time to do so."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean it's okay for you to forget to eat, here." He hands me the plateful of pancakes. I don't care what people say pancakes are an anytime food. Not just in the morning that's prejudice. The same thing applies to cereal.

"Thanks man." I gladly take the pancakes he just made. I was going to make something myself but he was already up and offered. "You should go to sleep we have school tomorrow."

"Speak for yourself but you're probably not going to go huh."

"Probably not it depends on my mood."

"Have you taken your pills today?" He notices my silence and anger flushes over his face. "You know you need to take them everyday so you don't die! I can't believe you!" He's being overly dramatic it's not like I'll die if I don't take them I'll just have a higher risk of dying; it's completely different.

"Calm down Sparky! I take them occasionally."

"Esophagitis is not something to take lightly Rin! Remember that time A.J. had to do the Heimlich on you because you were choking so bad." Hedge winces at the memory and rummages through one of the medicine cabinets to find my pills. "Take it!" He hands me the pink and black pill.

"Fine!" I swallow it and scowl at him.

"See that wasn't so hard now was it? I don't see why you don't take them."

"Maybe because I don't care if I die." I mumble keeping my focus on my pancakes. Hedge doesn't say anything for a long time.

"Rin, you don't mean that." Hedge grabs my hand across the bar.

"It would be so much easier if it would all just end wouldn't it? Have fate take its course and see what happens."

"No, if you can prevent something from happening you sure as hell better do it! Screw fate!" Hedge is angry and I can't really blame him. He asked me a question and I gave him an honest answer why couldn't he just accept it? When I take my pills it is a lot easier to eat and I don't choke on my food but for some reason I feel like punishing myself. Everytime I choke it's like a reminder that I should be focusing on taking down Monster nothing else. Does that make sense? It kind of humbles me. And I also happen to believe that whatever happens, happens and we shouldn't try to change our fate. I'm a walking contradiction but I'm okay with that.

"I'm sorry I'll try to remember to take them, okay?" He seems to accept my answer and takes off his apron. Twinkie made him it; she's quite handy. He looks adorable in it but guys don't like that word to describe them do they? Oh well deal with it.

"You're adorable." I gargle as I choke down my pancakes. He blushes clearly not expecting me to say that

"Don't call me that! It's embarrassing." His face sizzles.

"Yeah Rin don't call him that I'm only allowed to." Twinkie interrupts our conversation. "You've already got a guy crazy for you stop trying to get Hedge." She emerges from the doorway.

"Oh so you're finally claiming your prey Twinks? It's about time." I smirk.

"Well I figured he wasn't going to do anything. I might as well say where I stand." And with that she leaves quickly. I would too if I just proclaimed my love for someone. Run Twinkie run.

"Hedge? How are you feeling?" His face is a new shade of red; crimson really. I don't think he's breathing anymore.

"I didn't know she um...she felt the same...what should...I do this is going to make things...awkward." He rubs the back of his neck.

"Here's some words of advice." I clear my throat. I really shouldn't be the one giving him love advice but I can't pass this opportunity up. "Don't screw up." I laugh Hedge was expecting words of wisdom and got me instead.

"You're hilarious Rin." He hisses and playfully slaps my hand.

"No but seriously she likes you and you like her back. Go for it there's no time like the present. You'll regret it if you don't do anything soon enough. Time is a precious limited object."

"Are you talking about Nike?"

"What are you-?"

"I was outside when Zane pushed you up against the door. For a second I thought you guys finally became a real thing but then I heard him mention Nike and you mention Victoria. I then assumed what you guys fought about in the conference room. I didn't mean to ease drop really!"

I sigh, "It's fine." I drop my head in my hands. "Nike's dying and he wants to see me before his life ends."

"Whoa, wait a minute, he left you what? Two years ago?"

"Actually two and a half but who's counting."

"Are you going to go see him?"

"I don't know I promised Zane I would so he would go back to Vicky. I hate myself."

"Don't say that Rin. That's not true."

But it is true. I hated myself ever since the abuse started. So I've hated myself since I was nine? The only thing that kept me going was my mom but once she died there was nothing left to live for. I didn't fight back anymore I just accepted it. Then I met Zane and A.J. and they helped me cope. But still it didn't matter because by the end of the day I still would hate myself.

"I'm going up to my room. You should do the same you're going to school tomorrow aren't you?" I ask him.

"Yeah Twinkie gets mad when I skip."

"Thanks for the food Hedge, goodnight." I smile.

"Night Rin I love you." He calls with a huge grin on his face.

"I love you too squirt and remember what I said, just tell her how you really feel." With that being said, I went to walk upstairs when a voice stopped me.

"You meant every word of that didn't you?"

"What?" I turn around.

"Your conversation with Hedge. You meant every word." A.J. lashes out. "I can't believe that you want to die Rin! You've survived through things that are practically impossible to survive through and you want to give it all up? How can you do that to us, to yourself? I don't understand, make me understand!"

"You can't feel what I'm feeling Alley Jay! You don't know what goes on through my head. I'm fine, I was just joking, I wouldn't actually do anything to kill myself."

"You have before." He states suddenly.

"I'm not having this conversation right now. That was different and you know it." I hiss and narrow my eyes at him.

"Promise me." His voice is a lot lower but still a little on the louder side.

"Promise you what?"

"That you won't do anything reckless that will kill you. You have to promise me or else we will have this conversation." He points to where he's standing like we'll have the conversation right there, in that exact spot. I want to laugh but I don't.

"Alright, fine, I promise I won't do anything that'll risk my life. No more recklessness." Yeah right. Recklessness is my occupation.

"Thank you." He sighs.

"Whatever." I shrug hoping that A.J. will just drop everything.

"Axel's waiting in your room by the way. He said you guys are going to talk?"

"Yeah, I almost forgot about that." I ruffle my brown hair to keep from looking AJ in the eyes.

"Have fun and if he tries anything just scream."

"Sure I'll do just that." I roll my eyes.

What Alley Jay didn't know was that I was terrible at keeping promises. It didn't matter if they were promises to myself or to someone else. I don't do promises and I most certainly don't keep them.