Forgiving Avalon | o n h o l d

o n e | K i e f e r

"I'm happy to be back. I missed you guys. Thank you for everything."

All the people believe that life is a gift, a blessing.

Though I can't really say life has been good to me. But then I don't think I can also say that it's very bad since I've quite enjoyed the new things I've learned. So I guess mine would be in the middle if I say so.

Not that I mind.

I know I sound bitter, but I didn't grew up this way. My parents raised me well, my father taught me everything a guy should know to be a better man while my mother taught me how a man should respect and treat women. In fact, if I was given a choice, I'd prefer to be the same as I was before the tragedy, in which was a facade of the word love that changed my personality.

I really hate the word love. And I don't care about the saying that there's a thin line between hate and love because so far, I've never loved love.

At least, not anymore.

And no, I'm not going back to that time when it happened. I'm not going to reminisce the past, when my hatred started since it's not worth my time.

Everyone are in danger of experiencing heartaches. Because once you truly fall in love, pain would be inevitable.

Not all the people are the same when it comes to dealing with heartbreaks. But for someone who was caught off guard, mainly myself, I chose to escape.

I've never been the kind of brooding, dark and mysterious guy; not until now.

It wasn't my choice of words, the people around me, which are mixed with different personalities, age, classes and professions chose to label me with the words on the way they see me.

And I don't complain.

I've been drinking too much that I think my blood has changed into alcohol.

I've been smoking a lot that people would think I'm a walking chimney.

I've even tried taking drugs, though thankfully I was able to stop myself before it's too late.

I've slept with so many girls. I honestly couldn't count but no worries, I've always used protection.

I've been to jail for stealing, which was actually done just for fun, at least I'd experienced it for only a night since my parents are loaded. I don't think I need to elaborate on that one.

I've always been into fights with the people I don't personally know because the ones who know me well will never try to mess with me.

I've got anger issues.

I've got trust issues.

I've got relationship issues.

I've got more issues than you could ever think of.

I'm just glad that my best friend Calvin stayed loyal to me. His lips were sealed when it came to my situation. Even though I myself would ask him questions about the things that was going on back in my old school, mainly her. I never got a reply about it, every time.

Until I stopped asking and started moving.

And for that, I was thankful.

Maybe it was for the best. Since somehow it helped me continue my day like how I normally do it. But since I didn't have Calvin and my other guy friends that had always surrounded me, I found the comfort on drinking.

Then I was introduced on smoking, nevertheless you could say that it was pretty much the start of all my delinquent ways.

My parents, of course, tried comforting me. They tried reaching out, consoling me and showing that they will never leave me no matter what.

But I shut them out. Thankfully, they didn't insist. They understood all the things I've gone through and they accepted all the bad news I've given to them. All in all, they accepted me.

That's why now that I'm back, on my hometown, in my school, in our house, my home, I promise to show my appreciation to my parents. Though I'd never promise to change, whether I like it or not this is who I am now.

And even though these things I've been doing isn't something to be proud of by others, I don't give a damn because one way or another I will stay as it is.

I was fetch by my parents at the airport earlier and base on their relieved, smiling, tear stained cheeks, big grin plastered on their faces, not to mention the suffocating squeeze that was called hug (but rather felt like getting killed in an affectionate way), I can say missing me and missing them would be an understatement.

We spent the day catching up, Calvin was supposed to come but he said it was a family day for us so instead, we'll meet up tomorrow. Even though I insisted that he was also my family, still he stubbornly declined.

Anyway, I don't see the need to rush on catching up with him since school wouldn't start in a couple weeks more.

"I'm going to bed mom, dad." I mumbled as I get up from the couch.

I wasn't sleepy yet but my system was itching to smoke.

We were currently watching a movie, we ordered pizza and some other take outs awhile ago and had finished eating except for the popcorns and drinks that was now half empty.

You could say we were hanging out, my parents are cool.

"Okay, good night son." My father stated with a smile, looking at me with love and concern.

"We love you dear. Sleep well." My mother added, they were seating together. My father's arm draped around mom's shoulder while her head was laying on his shoulder.

They are happily married.

But do I see myself in this situation? No.

I just nodded my head and turned around to leave. When I reached the stairs, I turned my head to them, I did promised I'd show them my appreciation.

"I'm happy to be back. I missed you guys. Thank you for everything." I mumbled to them with a small smile then I hastily climbed upstairs not waiting for their reply.

I was already tired when I entered my room. Not a thing was changed in here, it was still the same. And seeing that there's no sign of dust and spider webs residing at the corners of my room, I can tell my mom cleaned here every day for the past year.

I chose not to unpack tonight, my back was still sore from my flight this morning. I will deal with it tomorrow, or maybe never.

I opened my window and took a sit at my window sill as I lit my cigarette glancing at the surroundings outside. Since it was already late, the road was quiet and dim. Some of the houses were already lights out including the one beside ours while the others, still had lights upstairs which is obviously on their rooms.

After finishing two sticks of cigarette, I finally took a shower and called the night off.

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