Neverland

5.

We all managed to make it to at least 3rd period, Kelsey went in before the rest of us which utterly surprised me in the least since she was usually the last to show. Suri had convinced me to stay after school since her photography club was staying after to take pictures of the football team practicing which was honestly pretty creepy to me.

Suri didn't have a hangover which surprised me with how much she had been puking once we got back from the party. I had just finished smoking some of the leftover meth from last night and saved my coke for later, even though I secretly wanted just a half a line if anything of it, just to even me out.

"I love guy's butts." Suri randomly stated, which caused me to giggle. "What's up with straight girls and guy's butts?" I asked and Suri raised any eyebrow at me.

"You're gay?" She questioned me and I quickly shook my head. "Hell no. I'm just saying."

"Oh please," I heard from behind me, it was Jax, she had her sunglasses on with a sweatshirt, she was coming down hard, I could tell.

"Excuse me?" I asked her and she sat down on the bleachers next to me. "You're a Peeping Tom with the girls swim team."

"Peeping Tina." I corrected before adding. "And you're acting as if you don't check girls out, it's like human nature or some shit." I responded as Suri took more pictures.

"Okay, you've been taking pictures of number 22 for like a good 10 minutes now." I pointed out, causing Suri to jump. I guess she didn't realize I had been behind her, watching her take pictures of people individually.

"His name is Sam." She corrected me softly and Jax squealed. "Is that your eye candy right now?" Jax asked, teasing Suri who was trying to inch away from us, but this wasn't getting away from Jax. "Hell to the no, he doesn't even talk with me really. Besides, he's kind of flighty. I just think he's hot." Suri admitted with a shrug and this time both Jax and I made the same high pitched squeal.

"Fuck him and dump him." Jax insisted and Suri shook her head. "I'm saving myself for someone special." This reminded me of when I first met Suri in middle school when she still wore her Hijab and practiced her faith. She was such a good bean- as Perry would call it- when I first met her. Then one night with me and that all changed.

"Your future husband?" Jax and Suri paused to look back at me for a moment. "Who knows? I could be a big lesbian like Kristen." I frowned this time genuinely.

"I'm not," I insisted, hovering just slightly. "I'm just teasing ya, Kris." She replied while her and Jax rolled over in a fit of laughter and I vomited.

"Boy and I thought I was hungover." Jax stood up to pull my hair back in my ponytail and I vomited again, before sitting down.

"Same Kristen. That's how love makes me feel." Suri says with a sigh before reverting her attention back to taking pictures.

"Who said anything about love?" Now I was really nauseous. But in a more comedic way.

I induratized myself honestly.

"I'm starting to feel like love is also something else you only see on TV." Jax muttered, rubbing my back. I absolutely hated throwing up.

"It always has to be the highlight of some show, some book. What's so good about it anyways?" Jax then added, but I said nothing. I didn't want any part of this conversation. If we weren't talking drugs, I honestly didn't really want to talk.

"Have you ever been in love?" Jax kept mumbling and it honestly made me think of Kelsey.

I didn't know who the question was aimed at. Honestly, I felt as though my first love was The Rush. If it came in the form of a rollercoaster, a tiny capsule, a line- whatever the case was. I was in love with it and always found myself at it's doorstep, not even in my time of need because that's where I wanted to be. It's where I belonged.

"I don't know. Sometimes when I date a boy, I don't know if I'm in love with him, or just the feeling he gives me. It's like I use him for the feeling a new relationship gives off. It's exciting, you think you're madly in love and going to last forever but in reality. It's just a perk. It's like coke for me. At first it's nice but after awhile, I realized, that shit never really was great." Suri mumbled and I contemplated running off. I gripped the baggy in my front pocket and bit the inside of my cheek.

I wonder what would happen if I let myself really come down for more than a few hours?

Would I feel the same as Suri did?

"Do you think it's like that always?" Jax sounded like a 10 year old at this point, asking Suri countless questions on how she knew so much. Suri was the smart one after all.

"I don't know," Suri paused. "If I find out, I'll let you know." I then stopped listening to the conversation. I didn't want to throw up again.

***

Authors Note: Like I said early, I"m almost finished with this book, but I'm uploading the first five chapters now and if you guys like it, I'll finish it here, if not, I might just take it to Radish.com instead, but I do have more new books coming, that are erotic nobels so stay tuned for that. I hope you enjoy.