Neverland

6.

Kelsey convinced me to go over to Hank's' with her, I wanted to get fucking high, not deal with their constant bickering and then eventually the sounds of them having sex. It was disturbing.

I sat on the couch in my usual place and scrolled through Instagram, on this girl named Heather's page. She had a tattoo behind her ear and a really attractive smile. I liked it. She was on the swim team and has talked to me a few times but I never saw her at any parties.

"You should come over tonight." Kelsey insisted while we waited for Hank. I was honestly just waiting for my fix and could barely pay attention to her. "No bible study?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I have to go tomorrow but you should come. Tonight I just want to watch movies with you." Kelsey admitted with a soft smile.

"What movie?" I asked her, I couldn't help my smile either but I don't know if that was because of Kelsey or looking at Heather's pictures on instagram.

"Whatever you want and I'll order us food. I"ll get us some cash tonight with Hank." She said and I immediately shook my head. She was inviting me into her home but wanted to pay for our food with her sex.

She didn't have to do that. She was too nice.

"No, that's fine. I'll pay." I insisted. Hank came back in with a platter covered in lines.

On one side had speed- the other coke. He also tossed me some ecstasy, which I never did except if I were going to a wild party but I decided to pop that anyways.

"I gave one of your friends some shit the other day." Hank told us and I looked up, wiping my nose, which was starting to burn in the most uncomfortable of ways. "Which one?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I dunno. I don't ask for names. I just recognize faces. I know she's a friend of yours." Kelsey started playing with his earlobe and I took the platter that had at least 3 lines left and I reached into my bag to retrieve a bottle of Fireball.

Kelsey and Hank started making out in front of me. It looked like two pit bulls going at it, their tongues all over each other's mouths, but I was too high to care.

I watched for once.

I watched, I suppose, my best friend have pointless sex with a 35 year old drug dealer. He was so careless with her that it made me mad but for some reason I laughed. She laid under him and made strange noises that I knew for sure were fake.

Did she enjoy this? Did she feel obliged to like Suri felt obliged to with lines? But she initiated it....so she must want it, right?

For a moment, Kelsey looked over at me, and at first I was thinking, stop, don't make eye contact with me while he's inside you, but it was almost as if we had some type of best friend telepathy.

She wanted me to look away: she didn't want me to watch her do this.

Teenage angst is what I called it in the back of my head. This was our only rebellion. We rebelled against the things that probably meant us no harm. True affection. Acceptance. Reality.

No.

Reality meant us harm. Because we'd be forced to argue about the things adults argued about on Facebook. Politics, race, and yes those things were important but that was a drug in itself. One that had everyone hooked and got their fix by stating their uneducated opinion in order to hurt someone else. It was affecting the mind and I avoided that.

I avoided it, knowing I was opinionated and vain.

But that's the exact reason why my friends loved me. The exact same reason why Kelsey wanted me to look away.

The exact same reason why I decided to look at her anyways. She was on top this time and her face was red. That's how I knew she was high. Now she was enjoying herself. It was messing with my high so I decided to snort the rest and finish off my bottle.

I might've passed out by choice, to avoid watching my best friend torture herself. I realized that I had called Kelsey my best friend at least four times in my mind that night. But I wouldn't tell her that. I was way too vain to.