Neverland

10.

Jax invited me over which surprised me because she never let anyone come over. I thought it might have been an emergency, but really she just wanted my company. But I didn't mind. I decided that I would also tutor in Chemistry while I was there.

"Suri makes this look so easy," Jax complained and I laid down on her bed, I was coming down pretty hard, because I wanted to feel really bad, so when I got back up I'd feel better.

"She's just really smart," I insist and Jax hit me in the ankle. "Are you saying I'm not?" I knew she was joking so I assured her. "Just because you aren't book smart doesn't mean you're not smart in general. I blame it on our memory capacity. How are we supposed to memorize this shit?" I asked and she silently agreed.

"Heather kissed me," I don't really know why I blurted it out, especially to Jax. Kelsey, I understand, but Jax?

"You liked it," She wasn't asking, she stated. "If you didn't like it, you wouldn't have brought it up," She says with a shrug and I sit up. I started to feel sick.

"She tasted like Coronas and Sprite," I touched my lips to relive the moment and held back a smile. But it made me unhappy.

"Suri already thinks you don't like guys," Why did she keep bringing her up?

"I don't care what Suri thinks. Besides, I have nothing against guys. People are people." I retort.

"I don't bother kissing people. I hate everyone equally."

"Way to have a snarky response in being a genuine asshole," That was partially vomit, but I didn't care. She needed to hear that. Jax hit my ankle again and I refrained from pulling out her septum ring. I wanted to tell her how ostranenie the piercing was, but it would hurt her feelings.

"Suri-"

"Why?" Was all I said, I was sick of hearing her damn name. "She just..." Jax stops talking and presses her lips together.

"She's not really one of us," I knew that was something Jax was secretly thinking but would never say. "She thinks she's better than us because she gets good grades and the only pill she pops is for a damn headache. She hangs out with us but sits on her pedestal." I could hear the anger in my voice and I think it scared Jax a little bit.

"She has so much going for her and she's so ready to start college. But me? No, I want to but I just don't think I'm ready." Jax admitted with a sad smile and I felt my throat start to feel soft.

"You're not one of us either," I whispered it, not on purpose, because apart of me wanted Jax to hear that, but then I didn't because I didn't want her to leave.

"What?" She asked and I licked my dry lips, I felt like I was in a cold sweat.

"Suri doesn't really like us either," I wasn't lying when I tried to cover up what I said, because some of it was actually true. Suri probably didn't really like us.

"Well she's a bitch and I hate her." Jax said in a childlike tone and I nodded in agreement.

Suri reminded me of my older brothers: a perfect rounded child who thought she was better than everyone else and had a future set for her already.

"But we can't tell her that," I didn't really hate Suri, at least I don't think I did, I knew Jax did.

But I think that was a good thing because at least we still cared. "She's going to leave eventually. We all are," Jax kept mumbling and I finally went into the bathroom and prepared my lines. I just stayed with my diamonds this time. Crystal always gave me something Coke didn't...a sense of understanding. I was more likable when I was on crystal....coke made me so judgemental.

I did my lines and heard Jax's mom knock on the door. "Jacqueline, does your friend want something to eat?" I wasn't hungry today. Maybe I would be tomorrow.

I came out of her bathroom, my pupils dilated and my hands shaking. "I didn't know that about you," I mumbled and for some reason, Jax looked like I had just caught her doing something. She looked high actually.

"W-What?" She stutters and I sway back against the wall. "I didn't know your real name is Jacqueline."