Neverland

12.

I think I didn't like Kelsey because of how kind she was. With one conversation, it was as if her words held some type of elixir or abluvion filled antidote to whatever was bothering me. However, in reality, I wasn't even opening up to her about anything truly.

I didn't have some tragic backstory to justify my ways, I didn't think that was necessary. You have to have gone through some tragedy in order to gain peoples sympathy. You could never simply just be a human in pain. You had to be devastated with reason. I didn't have one, at least not one that I can remember.

With Kelsey, I didn't need a reason, she just spoke what was on her mind.

There was this park we used to go to when we first started getting high together. It's swingset only had chains- no seats. The sandbox didn't even have a grain of earth inside it and inside the slide had people writing vulgar things in permanent Sharpie. It reeked of pot.

Kelsey took a tab of acid that night, she said she wanted to see the world in a different perspective, I decided to smoke my crystal today. I knew it would hurt my lungs so I brought my inhaler.

I don't think that would help as much but I still bought it just in case because you never know.

"I saw Mr. Nova talking with Hank the other day," I informed my best friend and she laughed hysterically.

"This whole town is an enigma. It's just an illusion: a trap." She was practically yelling at as she sat in the grass.

"He told me I wasn't special." I mocked the same tone he had when he spoke this to me. I was still angry about it.

Kelsey was quiet for a minute and just stared up at the sky.

"It doesn't feel like we are sometimes. We're just one speck in the world, when so many other specks exist. What makes us so special?" I add and she rolls over to look at me. "Because we aren't the exactly the same. At least I don't think. We all marks on us that makes us different from one another...." She trails off and I inhale deeply, my lungs were on fire.

"We all die so in the end we aren't special. We're just floating, straying away." Kelsey mumbled. She was right. In a sense, all of us as people were in a state of habromania. Fooled by the deceit of life but how are we supposed to know any different?

"We'll all experience death one day....we'll all feel our last breath. We won't ever get to roam the earth again. We never know when it's going to happen or how it's going to happen, so why are we born at all? It can't be to impact others because in the end they die as well. What's the damn point? Why are we even here?" Kelsey sat up this time, running her hands through her hair and her eyes erratic.

Bad trip. She was having a bad trip.

"I can't breathe." She rocked back and forth and held her skull and groaned.

"They're so loud all the time. They're usually just whispers, but why can I hear them so clearly now? Are we all crazy but choose to ignore it? Why is being happy so important? Why is living so important? Maybe I'm just going crazy. Maybe drugs aren't the problem, what if they're the solution. What if drugs just bring us back down from a high? What if they're the downer and life's the upper? What-" She stopped babbling and I walked over towards her.

She held her head back and screamed. It echoed off the walls that contained us, I called the skies, because it was our only limit. Beyond the atmosphere. Beyond our mental capacity. Bad trips sucked. Which is why I tried to steer clear from anything that usually gave me a bad trip.

"Do you believe in God?" Kelsey asked me, her voice hoarse after she had finished screaming.

"I don't know." I replied truthfully, I honestly didn't care.