Neverland

13

I admired pep-rallies. Unlike most teenagers who complained about them on their Tumblr blogs, no- I enjoyed them. Because it was the only time, you would ever see teenagers infused with school spirit. Even though there were kids who sat during it, they would secretly wish they could understand why it was so exciting.

I was one of those kids. I wish I could understand why only during these times, was school appealing. Oh sure, for now we would be screaming at the top of our lungs how our weird ass mascot could kick our worthy opponents mascots ass. How we were proud of the year we graduated and how it was better than any other year- which in retrospect made no sense at all.

I wish I could be excited. But something inside me just didn't produce the same emotion as my peers. So the thought was sickening because I envied it. And envy was poisonous.

Kelsey, Perry, Jax and Suri were all on their feet, yelling our graduation year out in the distance while I sat. I was craving another line mostly due to my discomfort. "Crack on your mind huh?" Jax whispered in my ear and I immediately frowned, I didn't like drug jokes. I had a sense of humor but to this extent? Not at all.

I stared at her nose ring, contemplating whether I should rip it out but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Instead, I rose to my feet and made my way to the bathroom. I didn't have any intention to ditch the pep rally to get high. I wanted to feel like I was apart of my peers so in the end, we would both win.

I waited until one of the girls in my Lit class left the bathroom before going into the largest stall. I took out my Psychology book and rummaged through my pocket to clasp the small baggie that contained my powder. I cut it with my library card and did three lines.

I fixed myself in the mirror and washed my face in front of the sink, trying to feign a sober look- but it got to a point that my sober look seemed high and my high look seemed sober.

As I returned to the gym where the pep rally was being held, I saw my friends in a fit of laughter, with the rest of the room.

It was as if I had just walked in after a punch line on an amazing joke and I rushingly pushed through people to sit back down next to my friends.

"What's so funny?" I asked with a smile, searching my friends face for answers.

"You missed it, the freshman came in doing a rendition of Britney Spears and..." Suri tried to explain but I blocked her out...I didn't see what was so funny. Suri caught a glimpse of my expression and stopped talking for a moment, exhaled, then said, "I guess you had to be there. You just missed it," There was something sad in her tone but I chose to ignore it and spent the rest of the pep rally...with forced efforts to search for something amusing to laugh about with my friends, but again, nothing.

But this time, I was high enough to notice.