Famous // Luke Hemmings

Time

*Macky's POV*

Honestly when Luke came up to me at the pool, I would have jumped right into his arms. But I didn't. I felt really emotional and empty. I can't believe he really thinks I would cheat on him. Maybe it was just telling more people about my family secrets, I felt vulnerable to everyone. I wouldn't be treated the same. I wanted to get away from everything.

I sat upstairs while Roman did my tattoo. It was pretty dark and sad, mainly about life is too short and you could just die at any moment.

"So your just going to go to the UK for a while, then when your right in the head you'll go back on tour?" Roman said trying to clarify.

I nodded and watched him finish up the tattoo that's been getting done for a good 8 hours. "Maybe Calum is reckon right. I need to step away from this spotlight and breath. I honestly don't even know what to do, what am I suppose to do?" I looked at Roman.

He just sighed and made little touches "What do you see when you look in the mirror?" I furrowed my eyebrows. What the hell kind of question is that? "It's not you that you see, thing deep about it."

Not me. "I don't see me, the person fans look up to. I see someone who's close you giving up, a girl who's lost in life, one who is depressed..." I said softly. Roman cleaned it and put a plastic wrap over the tattoo. "What do I do?"

"What do you think you should do?" I shrugged. "Go home. Spend time with your family, this only happening because you lost the people that kept you grounded. You lost who you were..." I nodded and paid him, helped him clean up, and he left.

I sat out in the balcony, looking at the view. It was dark out, the moon is shinning, and a nice gust of wind. I looked through my photos and found one where it was me looking out at the view. I post it on Instagram

'Today someone asked who I saw in the mirror whenever I look. Reckon I thought he was trying to be funny or telling me a riddle. He told me to think deep about it, I did.

I don't see what the fans see
A Savior
Rescuers
A girl filled with laughter and smiles
A soon to be pop punk star
A dream girl
Someone who you idolize
Your hero
The reason why your here today, smile, and hope.

I see just a girl
Emotional wreck
A girl who cried herself to sleep nights on end
Someone who needs love
Need someone to lead her through a path
Needs a hug
A shoulder to cry on
A girl who has everything, but can't find what she wants.

When I look in the mirror I see a girl who forces herself to smile because it makes you guys smile.
Scared to let her fans down because she's sick and just wants a break she can't have
A girl who wears a mask to mask her real feelings.
A girl who just wants to be another face on the streets.
Someone who can't continue to fight anymore.

I see a girl who is lost, and dying inside.........
Still all I have is time to be this and pretending to be another.....
One day, just one day this will end and no one will know who I am....'

I read it over and I felt so relived. There wasn't that much weight on my shoulders, I was able to breath. I clicked all the socials and posted it.

I headed back downstairs and walked straight to my room. I sat on the bed and grabbed my music book, my guitar, and plugged my electric piano in. Pressed a few keys on the piano and had a sad lost flow to it and lyrics came in:

"What? What's that?"

Another day,
Of painted walls and football on the TV
No one sees me
I fade away,
Lost inside a memory of someone's life
It wasn't mine

I was already missing before the night I left
Just me and my shadow and all of my regrets
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible

Wasted days,
Dreaming of the times I know I can't get back
Seems I just lost track
Looking on
As all of life's colours seem to fade to grey
I just walked away

I was already missing before the night I left
Just me and your shadow and all of my regrets
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible

Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible

Another day,
The walls are built to keep me safe
I can't escape,
It's too late

I finished writing the last line and sighed. All I have is time until it just runs out. That I will never know when....