I Don't Care If It Will Break My Heart.

You Criminal, Criminal.

I started scribbling words onto a page when the guys fell asleep on my floor. The only light was coming from my lamp next to my bed.

I wasn't gonna right a song about Chris and I's sex life, oh no. I was gonna pour my heart onto this page, but make it sound very melodic. I wanted it to be kind of subtle and the meaning to be slightly hidden. I feel like I accomplished that.

' Embers that have drifted away
Long lost memories are fading
Ashes cover lonely graves
Where you left me to die
How does it feel to take a life away?
You turned your back on me so easily

You set me on fire, my only home
I let you inside and you watched me burn
You criminal, criminal
It started with a spark, and ended in flames

Nothing here that comforts me
Where I was so complete
I still can't believe you mean so much to me
Are you feeling guilty for throwing the match
or spilling the gasoline?
And when the smoke had cleared
How quickly you disappeared

You set me on fire, my only home
I let you inside and you watched me burn
You criminal, criminal
It started with a spark, and ended in flames

A tragedy that ends in never speaking your name
You're nothing but a ghost to me

Ashes cover lonely graves
Where you left me to die

You set me on fire, my only home
I let you inside and you watched me burn
You criminal, criminal
It started with a spark, and ended in flames
I let you inside, I let you inside.'

It took every fiber of my being to muster up those feelings that I had pushed down so deep that when I let them out and let the car go on this emotional rollercoaster, I started to cry.

Why do I still love him? Why do I still want to go see him everyday and tell him that I was sorry for everything I did wrong, not caring what he had to say? Why did I still yearn for his touch and kiss?

I missed looking into his deep brown eyes. I missed seeing his un makeup-ed face in the mornings when I would stay at his house. I miss watching him draw on his eyebrows so perfectly. I missed his tattooed arms snaking around me and his pierced lips pushing against mine. I miss snuggling up to him for protection when we watched scary movies. I just missed him.

But I couldn't go and do those things, I wouldn't let myself. I can't let my heart win. I won't. But I wanted to so badly.

I curled up in a ball and layed there, sobbing uncontrollably. Someone slipped into the bed with me and held me close. I knew it was Kuza, only he could soothe me at times like this. I shifted so we were facing each other and looked into his eyes. I didn't need to say a word.

"I know Kari," he said, letting me bury my face in his chest and cry. "I know," he said softly.

I soon fell asleep cradled in his arms. A surprise visited me in my dream, dressed like James Bond. Why did I do this to myself?

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The song is The Arsonist by New Years Day. I kind of thought it would be cool to have in the story. I don't know. If Kari were to ever be in a band, she'd totally sound just like Ash Costello. This song breaks me down every time. I love it. I might do a thing like Kari writing NYD's song, just for the story though. I haven't decided. Anyways, I got a cool Misifts shirt yesterday.(: That is all.