Weightless (H.S. BWWM)

So Beautiful

This morning Harry and I went our separate ways I had work and another meeting with Evergreen Publishing after and he spent the day in the studio working with a new artist on their music. I never realize how used to him I am until we're apart. I find myself wanting to turn to either side throughout the day and tell him something but then I realize we're miles apart. We text pretty much constantly when we aren't with each other which you'd think would leave us with little to talk about once we're together but we've yet to have that issue. No matter how much of our day we've already shared there always seems to be more to talk about once we get home.

On the work front it's been a journey so far being the girlfriend of Harry Styles. The media camps outside of my job to snap pictures of me going in and out which I find to be pretty stupid since they know what I do for a living and more importantly where I do it at. I didn't see the point until one day last week when Berkley helped me out with them and the next thing I knew we were all over the internet with the headline that we were getting back together above the pictures. In truth all he did was walk me to my car and push them back so that I could leave without running one of them over but that's not what people want to believe. I'm starting to comprehend that perception is everything when it comes to the media. Unfortunately if people only see one side, hear one narrative, they're going to be inclined to believe it as the truth.

Even though it's been hard dealing with the constant eyes on us I've never experienced anything so fulfilling. It's been a new experience having someone to come home to after a day of work. Especially since Harry normally has food ready and waiting on the table by the time I make it in unless he's out late working on something or networking, then I do the cooking. His home, as scary of a feeling it gives me, has for all intents and purposes become our home. Probably ninety percent of my clothes and personal items are here even though I haven't officially moved in. The only time I see my place is when I go to check in on Ms. Johnson and to grab clothes that I left behind in my unofficial move. The way I see it, if I keep my stuff at my house and continue to pay bills there we aren't skipping any steps and jumping straight to moving in. Technically we still live apart and that technicality is what I hold onto to keep from freaking out.

Kicking off my black booties at the door they join the collection of shoes that have gotten the same treatment all week. Sooner or later every pair of shoes I own are going to be right here at this door if I don't put them away so I do that before anything else. Slipping out of my waterfall vest I rehang it but decide to keep my bodysuit and skirt on, I can't muster up the energy to change.

The meeting with Evergreen Publishing this evening was a bust and took everything out of me. It turns out they were just like Pebbles Publishing, wanting to use my new found popularity from being with Harry to push forward a book release. I guess I can commend them on being honest about it but I would've rather they been upfront when we had our first meeting instead of acting as if what Pebbles did was so deplorable just to do it in another way. I politely declined and thanked them for the opportunity and left before I told them how I really felt. I can't help but wonder if my work is actually any good since people only want to work with me because of Harry. I mean don't get me wrong my Spoodle account has been doing better than ever since the name of it was released, and all of my books have ten times the reads they normally would have but that doesn't change the fact that Spoodle reads don't pay the bills. Harry and I have been talking about it and he's been trying to convince me that I should quit my job and focus on writing fulltime since it's my dream but how can I when no one in the literary world takes my work seriously? It takes the wind right out of my sails when I think about the way Susan from Evergreen looked at her assistant Anthony when I suggested publishing one of my fictional pieces rather than a tell all autobiography about my life, skimming over the makings of me and who I am and focusing on Harry and I centrally. Granted a story about my journey to finding happiness with Harry might make for a good book but I'll be damned if I write it. I write fiction because no one can get hurt, it's make-believe. With non-fiction books things get too messy and complicated. Harry and I skate on enough thin ice as it is with that, no need to grab a hammer and shatter the barrier between what's messy and our little corner of bliss.