Weightless (H.S. BWWM)

Brave

Mistakes. It seems in my life I make a lot of them whether on purpose or by accident. They always seem to happen and the always bare consequences that make me regret them.

My latest mistake came in the form of me rejecting Harry's idea of me coming to meet him in Paris later this week. Originally he was supposed to be gone for three days but because there are a series of fashion shows happening in Paris for the next two weeks management thought it'd be good press for the lads to be seen at a few of them throughout a week's time. I was disappointed but I understood and upon expressing that, Harry suggested I fly over to meet him and finish the week out together.

He seemed very keen on the idea. In fact his exact words were, "Why don't you fly in and spend the end of the week with me. We can recreate our New Year's Eve kiss and spend the weekend exploring the city."

Although the idea of it sounded appeasing and ridiculously romantic I declined his offer saying, "That sounds great love but I don't think I'm really up for it. Just take the time out to have fun, I mean we could use a break from each other."

I thought my statement was harmless enough, I even giggled at the end of it for emphasis on my joking intention. However somehow the way the words left my mouth didn't arrive the same to Harry's ears leading us to this huge fight we're in.

"I just find it funny that I tell you I love you last night and now today you tell me we need space. I mean I thought this relationship was going somewhere Bailey," he sighs, looking beaten down.

Quickly I defend, "It is!"

"Are you sure about that?" he indignantly asks before stopping himself and taking in a deep breath with his eyes closed, long lashes fluttering against his cheeks. Upon opening his eyes I see the softness in them has returned. "Look B, I'm not upset that you haven't said it back, I understand that people move at different paces. My problem is as per usual you're pushing me away. I don't know what else I can do," he explains, a look of depletion on his face.

My heart hurts for him, I know he means well. It's not about him and I thought we both knew that. I just constantly have a lot on my mind and now with the possibility of us being pregnant there's even more on my plate.

I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. "I just have a lot to think about while you're gone Harry it's not personal baby."

His expression drops further, "I know it's just... I don't get you. You're the one thing in my life I can't figure out and it's driving me crazy."

I sigh again, audibly this time. I don't know what to say to him that won't sound like an excuse. "We only have a little while before you leave Harry, I don't want to spend it arguing."

His head begins shaking before I can even finish. "No," he states defiantly, "This is something we need to discuss. I'm drawing a line in the sand here."

His reply sparks my feistier side, my eyebrow shooting up in question. "I'm just trying to take care of myself Harry."

He huffs, looking around confused. "What's that supposed to mean? We're in a relationship Bailey we take care of each other, that's how it works. What does you pulling away and acting like you don't want this have to do with taking care of yourself?"

It's news to me that he feels as if I don't want to be with him but my anger has taken over and the thought gets pushed to the back of my mind for further pondering later. "I never said I didn't want you. I want to be with you but I need to protect myself," I explain, voice raised.

"But you know I wouldn't hurt you," he replies heatedly- clearly more out of confusion and frustration than anger.

"Unintentional pain hurts just as badly Harry."