Weightless (H.S. BWWM)

Losin Control

Harry's P.O.V.

"She's standing right in front of me."

The lyrics fall from my lips clumsily and my voice cracks as I try to change pitch. Sighing I remove the headphones from my ears and slip them around my neck. "Can we pick this up some other time? My voice is just off today."

Ernie, the producer I'm working with on this single, nods and starts to work on saving what we have.

The band is taking another break in a few months so I thought what better time to release my first official solo single. I've been working diligently on this song but at the moment I'm stuck - my inspiration drained, gone. I'm at one of the most pivotal moments in my career right now and the one person I want to share it with is a thousand miles away. Hell, it's because of her pushing me that I'm even taking this step and now she's not here to bask in the fruits of her labor. I'm trying to be understanding but it's hard - I want her here, she should be here.

Grabbing my leather jacket, I say goodbye to Ernie and head for my bike. I need to feel the wind crashing against my face to clear my head. But back at home, I'm wishing I had stayed at the studio. There are too many memories here. We've made love in every part of this house and God knows we've fought in every part of it too.

I laugh to myself at the thought. She knows how to rile me up like no one I've ever met, in every way. We're so good together until we hit this wall and then it stops. I can't get through to her when she shuts down and I get frustrated with trying. Things just spiral so fast with us - stupid simple things turn into arguments we don't need to have. We get to the point where we're tip toeing around each other, trying not to set off the next land mine and that's not fair to either of us.

I just can't figure out where the disconnect is between Bailey and I. I love her and I know she loves me, regardless of if she can say it or not, so what's the problem? I was raised to believe that love can fix anything - it solves all. The sad thing is, it's becoming pretty clear that Bailey doesn't believe in love and that scares me because it makes me feel like she doesn't believe in us. I'm realizing because of this, it's my job as the man who loves her to remold her idea of love – to make it right. That task in itself is daunting enough, it doesn't help that she scares the hell out of me. I don't want to hurt her again, I couldn't live with knowing I ruined her when I hold her heart in my hands – regardless of how reluctant she's been to give it to me.

I know I haven't been perfect. I handle my anger incorrectly all of the time and I hate myself for it. Instead of being mature about things and stepping out of my feelings I give into them and allow them to control me. It's different turf with B and I struggle to navigate it. I've never been in a relationship that's tested me, my limits, or my self - control. With Bailey I'm being forced to grow in ways I didn't realize were necessary.

When you're in a relationship you have to talk it out not fight about it. More importantly you have to change – learn and adapt. Truth is I'll say all of this, make all of these realizations and revelations and, if I'm not thinking, the second she pushes my buttons we'll be back screaming at each other. I think that's our biggest problem - we have no follow-through. We talk about all of these changes we need to make and yet the second things start going better we forget all about them like the problems are going to fix themselves.

My mind feels cluttered with all of the thoughts beating around. The house is so quiet without her here I feel like I can hear them clash into one another in my brain. Scratching at the smooth material over my arm, I trudge to the kitchen to grab a quick dinner. She'll be home in a few days, and I'm counting the minutes. I'm missing her like crazy and everything in the house is reminding me of her. I feel like a prisoner in my own home - every room holding it's own torturous memory. To think I won't have the chance to make more of those memories with her breaks my heart. I'm determined to avoid that fate at all costs.