Between Sky & Earth !

Chapter 7

I am sure they will be pleased that I am out of their lives they cant be happier then this, they never wanted me in their lives at the first place. They have a perfect son and daughter, I was a mistake, which they have to bear but they left no stone unturned to make me feel worse, and hate myself, Then my angel came in existence, he just changed everything, he made me believe in myself, I wanted to do something in life for him, every child in this world need to be told he or she is special, not to be ridiculed for everything, not mock for her mistake, the way I have been mistreated and mocked for years for everything I did. I use to stammer to frame one sentence, if I have been asked to speak in front of an stranger my palms use to sweat, my heart beat pick up pace and I want to avoid conversation at any cost. But he changed everything.

I was just thinking my time in Argus society was the best time I had a life those two years were brightest in my life I have traveled across India without somebody telling me what to do what not to do, everything was going great until two people whom I have trusted ruined my life, two people whom I thought were my friend, have used me and destroyed everything in my life. I would have not left if jesica did not took me to Bombay to her aunts place which created a huge repercussions at my work place, which lead to my closeness to Alex and later he spread rumors about me that I am trying to woo him and he created quite a Sean in office, finally when I did not take it I left, after I left people talked so low about me but those two people Jessica and alex still pretended to be my friend and used me, then finally I realized when they stop answering my calls and started behaving as if I do not exist for them, then only I realized they were never my friend.

In fact nobody is my friend, no one was ever there when I needed somebody to talk to.

I cant believe I am acutely thinking of forgiving those people who talked so ill about me but that's what called growing up I guess, now I do not expect anything from anyone, and probably this way I will be happy because whenever I expect even a little from people I only get hurt in return. Nobody ever loved me unconditionally, even my parents, so expecting from anyone else is just a daydream.

I got an early Christmas gift from Kevin, it seems like he understands me more then my own family and it is so easy to talk to him. when I met him only once in Darjeeling. He is from France and I met him during a trip to Darjeeling, he poured his heart completely during the 3 hour cab ride from Darjeeling to Siliguri, It took me a while to get open to him but he some how understood my trails and difficulties like his own, its true your soul mate not has to be your lover or husband he she can be any one even your children who are part of your soul. I feel that connection to him, hearing a word like sister from a foreigner is new to me but I was ecstatic when he referred to me as his sister.

Its true two people do not have to be born with same parents or in same country to feel as siblings. I feel we two are twins who think feel and understand alike.

I wish I could meet him once again if I could travel to France I would love to I really need to be away from this house to feel and act more independent.

That reminds me of another big decision of moving to Gurgon to work with a start up.

I really need to focus on my career no fooling around and no fooled by management, I need this right now more then oxygen. I had to go and meet those girls to understand better what I am getting into myself.

My so called mother never showed any signs of a mother or a bigger person and its even getting worse day by day. I am trying to be a bigger person and not to react on her unbearable manners, she throws my things my cloths when I am not around and it is difficult to keep calm but I don't want to get down to her level, she is not preparing breakfast for me, if I pass her she will pass some nasty comments under her breath, curse me all the time.

But I know I am strong and I can over come all this. I believe they are not worth talking, she is one of the most ungrateful persons you can ever come across, she wanted her medicines she spoke to me, yes otherwise she do not talk to me at all, she is so ungrateful. Never felt she treated me as her own child. She was not happy when I was born I have pushed that thought that she do not love me behind my mind, but seems like it was true no matter how much I deny the fact.

There is no family for me any parents either there is nothing like family for me.

I am trying so hard to be strong but my spirit is breaking often but I know I have to be strong.

I have to do something really fast to go abroad; I do not want to live in this fucking country, with these fucking parents or fucking family.

I have no love left in my heart for them like they don't care if I live or die, the feelings are quite mutual I don't give a fuck if they fucking live or die today.

I will die the instance I go back on my words.

~C