Between Sky & Earth !

Chapter 5

Initially I thought he needed a friend's help to over come his sorrows but I was mistaken he is just a spoiled brat a male whore, who do not respect women, I traveled with him and none of the trips ended well, he just ruined it, why people do not understand that its not always about sex some people do believe in true friendship.

But I guess I am use to be heart broken by friends, it is not the first time that this happen with me,

Be it Alex, Roy or Bexton all did same to me all I need was a friend whom I can be myself with but they ruined it.

As my biological father stated what my achievement in life is, this is what he thinks of me as a failure. Since they never wanted me in there life at the first place.

I feel lonely in this house and suffocated among them, I need to get a job outside this town and I need to get married with a guy I choose not chosen by them. Also I don't want them to be present in my wedding, I kind of disappointed with Indian men that I really do not want to marry an Indian guy. I wish to marry some foreigner at least he will be liberal and I don't have to follow unnecessary rituals.

My mother has a relationship of convenience with me, she is talking to me since no one is here to pay her bills and listen to her, I took her to Delhi for a vacation, and first instance she got she started bitching about me.

This is not happening for the first time, everyone is like this, my so called sister when needed her documents to get couriered she calls me, when she wants some of her stuff to get delivered to her she calls and act nice with me, rest of the time she is not bothered to revert on my diwali message, where as I came to know she is reverting some people instantly. Not that I really care about her Diwali wishes, this just proves that how fake she is and how helpful they are to me.

If I have to go somewhere then car is never free to pick me up or drop, I really feel ashamed to pin point such small things but thesis small incidents are proof how much I am wanted or part of this family.

I never felt I belong to this family, never ever, and two days ago they just cleared all my doubts about it.

I sometimes wonder if they never wanted then why they have not just killed me when I was born. That remind me of another incident told by many relatives and accepted by my biological mother that she really cried when I was born and she never wanted me in her life at the first place.

Till this day they never fail to make me feel that how much I am not welcome in there family.

I remember one incident when there daughters future groom & in laws were visiting the house, I just came from office it was a winter night, I barely put my bag on table, then I got the message that sit in another room & no need to come in front of them, as if I really wanted to meet them, I left in anger, none of them called me for complete one hour after that they called me, I don't give a fuck to their fake concern.

I pray that a child should better be orphan then get parents like them.

I must have sinned in past life that is the reason I am suffering with such kind of family.

I have to leave this house before 25th Nov 2015, I can not live in same house as they live their faces make me sick, remind me how much so called family system sucks in India.

I don't wish to see their faces even when they are dead.

At one side I was battling indifference from my so called family, at the same time I met Ryan, he was a breath of fresh air for me, my only hope from all the mess I was in, he use to make me laugh, listen to me, though I never told him anything about my so called family but I suppose he can read me like a book, but he never confronted me which is a good thing for me, because I am not ready to share this with anyone, it only bring pain and more pain from all the memories kept deeply buried in my heart.

Sometime I feel I could share everything every details with him, but then I think it is not good to put him through all this, I do not wish anyone to feel the pain I have been suffering from past so many years.

My sorrows are mine alone to bear no one can ever reach to that corner of my heart where they will be face to face with my sorrows.

Rayn's Text:

What are you brooding over sugerpop

Me : Nothing

Me: What about you?

Rayn: Thinking about 101 ways to bug you,

A smile crept on my face...

Me: Dream on Silly Pilly

Ryan: You smiling ;) That's good for me,

Ryan: Sleep Now, Msg me when you get up any time, I ll wait for your msg.

Me: Night :)