Under the Uniform

(CH.1) Just another Night

JUST A REMINDER ALL CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY NBC ❤️💙❤️
Erin's POV
It started as just a one time thing, but then there where two next thing you know it's every night. Jay and I well we are on and off, lately we've been on. We have been together for about a month now, 6 months before, and 10 months before that. It makes work hard. I can't keep my hands to myself, and he can't either. I love him but I'm not ready and I don't think he is either. I don't want this to end. Being with him every night. Knowing I'm safe sleeping next to him. It's hard, but loving him is easy.
Everyone at the station knows about us. But Kim knows the most, I tell her a lot of things. She's been there for me and I've been there for her. That's all we both really need, we are each others safe houses. A place to go when we're lost. I don't tell Voight as much, he's like my dad and telling him all of that would be hell. Jay has Will and I'm glad because after him coming back from his service Will was there for him. I guess we both have our safe houses. Jay is the man I want to marry, the man I want to start a family with, but we have never talked about any of this. I don't even know if he wants to have kids or get married. I don't know anything anymore. Our past cases have been the hardest things I've ever dealt with. The little boy, Terry it's been hard on Jay, especially losing Terry. They worked at the dispensary together. Both on security, both coming back from hard times across the sea. They had a bond. He can't work. Voight put him on 1 week medical. I wish I could help but he's been quite. I'm scared for him, I've never seen him like this. I go to his place as much as possible whenever I'm not on shift, whenever he calls me, I'm there whether or not he needs me. I'm glad I had him with what happened with Nadia. Seeing him go through this is torture.
I know what it feels like, to loose someone. My past is filled with crazy things. I never talk about it. It's just something that I keep to myself, not even Jay knows that much. We both have secrets, that's normal, I don't like being vulnerable. I feel weak and fragile when I am. Before I met hake life was hell, even living with Voight. I still got into trouble and there was no getting out of it. I didn't become a cop because I wanted to erase my past. I became a cop to bring justice to this city and do good. You can never erase your past. It will always be there to haunt you. Chicago is a messed up place. There is little good roaming through those streets. I struck gold with Jay.
Jays POV
I need to break up with Erin. I love her but I just can't keep doing this. Yes, she is always there for me but I don't need that. We've broken up and we have still been friends. I don't like when things change between us but I just can't do this. Being partners is one of the best things about her, but being friends is better. I want kids with her I want to marry her but I'm just not ready. I lost a friend, Terry. We worked at the dispensary together. Where we were transporting a quarter of a million dollars when we were robbed. He got shot, I didn't. Sometimes I wonder if I got shot would he still be there for his son. He didn't deserve it but now he's gone. Erin lost Nadia. That's another thing we have to much in common. Grieve. I love her so much and I don't want to do this but I am going to. I am calling her and asking her to come over and I am going to do this and I'm going to hurt myself and her. My heart and brain never agree with each other there's always something that never works and that's it.
On the Phone with Erin
J: Hey Erin can you come over tonight?
E: Sure babe I'll come over as soon as I get off shift
J: Okay see you soon
E: Bye babe, I love you
J: Love you too
End of conversation
I'm scared as hell. We've been together for a month now. She's been staying at my place, she says "it's warmer" I think she just wants to be here. I feel bad, in all honesty I feel horrible. I've told Will what I'm doing. He's doesn't agree with it. He believes that she makes me happy and that we should be together, and I do too bout I need to do this.
Erin Arrives
She has a key, so she came in. I gave her that key I wanted her to have it, I'm not taking it back. I'm letting her keep it. " Hey babe" she says. " hey" I replied " so how was work today, any new cases?" I've been bored out of my mind and I needed a distraction, that is all I could come up with. " yeah, this one is hard to do. This little boy and girl were kidnapped by there Dads best friend" she said. " wow, I was wondering if we could talk" I was doing it I was going to do it. " Sure babe anything you need to say, just say it she said that, it made me feel worse. " I think we should just be friends" there we go I said it I've been dreading this all day. Tears welled up In her eyes, they also did in mine. " when did this happen, when did you change your mind? Why did you change your mind? I thought you were happy" she asked the questions I prepared myself for. " I don't want to ruin anything, you are my best friend and my favourite partner I just don't want to throw that away" that was my explanation. " I have to go" and just like that she left. I tried to call her but she didn't answer...
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Yeah!!! I've been wanting to write this for so long and I've finally done it! I really hope you enjoy this chapter the next one is soon to come!!
❤️💙❤️ Kay