A Thing, Beyond Forever

23.

A catastrophe. That's the word I am going to refer to my experience with love. My first love. My mind keeps flashing the events of the day before my eyes and I just can't help but feel my chest tighten to the ache of my heart. I came home that day and just couldn't stop myself from crying. I locked myself in the washroom, let the water pour down my body and cry so that nobody at home realizes that I was crying.

The next morning as I lay on my bed. I felt like up to this point all my tears have dried up. I check the missed calls on my phone wondering if I missed any calls from Mumma. 

Yazan(27), Zeenath(10)

Every phrase Yazan told me that day on our picnic started to make sense today. I fell in love with Nouman really hard that I broke my legs in that well of disguised love. I can't think of any possible way of making my way out of it. But the real question that kept me restless throughout the night was, was he really playing with my feelings all this time? Did he really disguise himself as a sweetheart? What could he possibly get with playing me like that? What did I do? What was my fault? I wish I knew and maybe I knew whom to ask.

I sniffed as I dialled Yazan's number. I didn't care if it was 1 is or 2 am. I just had to tell him that everything he warned me about was so true. I knew he wouldn't mind. When he knew so much then why didn't he save me from all this? Why did he wait for me to get wrecked?

He said you to be careful. You were the one who told him not to interfere, said replied my mind back to myself.

"Oh, Yazan! Pickup! I'm so sorry I didn't believe you", I whispered. The bell kept ringing on the other side of the phone and there was no answer. It was the first time after being friends with Yazan did I feel this lonely. I could have called anyone amongst my friends but I wasn't sure what was I supposed to say them and narrating the whole event would just lead me to cry in hysterics and nothing else. Yazan was the only one who knows something wrong had happened and the only person I can rely upon and speak to was him. But GOD! where was he when I needed him?

After many missed calls, I gave up and threw my phone in anger on the other side of my bed. I  hugged my pillow closer to my chest and began weeping for my freshly wounded heart again and then gradually went to sleep.

A few hours must have passed when I felt something vibrate on my bed. My head was throbbing in pain. I scrunched my eyes to check the time on the phone, 4:30 am. Yazan calling.

I quickly picked up while one of my eyes was still closed. "Hello?" I managed to say, my voice was sounding hoarse.

"Yazani..." I breathed, my voice started to break. I felt fresh tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Zukroof, first of all, stop crying and I don't want to hear anything else. Tell me did you pray Fajr?"

I sniffed and wiped the tears with the back of my hand, "No.."

"Okay so get up and pray your fajr and then ring me back. I'm here for you, okay? and pray with full devotion and concentration!",He added.

"Okay..", I muttered.

"C'mon! C'mon fast! Get up! Time is too short for Fajr, Hurry up!", He said. His voice was so energetic and fresh that It didn't feel as if he just woke up from sleep.

"Okay sure, I'll call you back!",

"No problem, I'm here", He said and I could feel him smile slightly on the other side of the phone.

I felt somewhat relieved by his words. I got up and went to the washroom. As I began doing my wudu. I recollected that it had been very long since I prayed. Not because I didn't know how to but because I was lazy to do so. My father was a very pious and religious man. He always instructed me and Nashra to keep reading Quran and offer salah. But I just didn't feel motivated enough to pray five times a day. The last I prayed was probably on Eid. My father used to give us books of hadeeths and then He instructed us to read and we only used to read because the other day he'd ask regarding what new hadeeth we read the other day.