A Thing, Beyond Forever

27.

Yaz, can we talk? Please?  I texted Yazan after I came and sat in my place. I strained my neck a little to check whether he was looking at my text. He did read but He didn't respond. 

The speeches ended and the principal was cheerfully saying how proud and impressed she was with her students and how remarkable the results have come out. She wished us nothing but the best in our future endeavours.  Then she called me and Yazan on stage to present us with an accolade. 

I walked towards the staircase that led to the stage and Yazan joined me halfway as well, I paused and he gestured me to go ahead, once we were on the stage I whispered to him through my clenched teeth, "Yazan please just meet me in the class by the corridor, I want to talk to you" 

He didn't say anything. The photographer asked us to smile and both of us plastered our best one. When both of our pictures with the principal and the chairman were done, they called our parents to join the stage with us. Yazan's mom stood with Yazan first for the picture. She looked evidently happy and proud as much as my parents did and then my turn came. I looked at my parents for a brief moment before I turned to look at the camera, both of their eyes glistened with unshed tears. 

*****

I walked into the class hoping that Yazan would follow my lead. I looked around the class and the flashback of the time when me and Yazan hid here from Ms Sasha played in front of my eyes. I giggled remembering the death threats we used to give each other and how far we have come from that day. That was the start of the year and today is the last day of this school. 

"What is it, Zukroof? He quickly lowered his voice realising how it was echoing in the empty classroom, "What's left for us to talk about?" Yazan asked and I looked at him sceptically.

Why was he the one who was angry when it should have been me? I wondered. I took a deep breath in as I took a step forward towards him. 

"Yazan, you have been my best friend and I don't want to lose you over what happened. I just want to let go of that and move on" 

Yazan scoffed, "I am sorry, what?" 

"What?" I repeated his statement

He shook his head as he moved forward towards me maintaining the eye contact, glaring at me, "I can't forget what you said to me, Zukroof. I am sorry. It's not easy for me" 

It was my turn to scoff, "Excuse me? You are the one who gave him the stupid dare" I pointed my finger at him. "played with my feelings like it was some sort of a game and now you are telling me it is impossible for you to move on because of what I said? Well...then you should have a look at what I am considering to be forgotten" I stomped my foot on the ground because I was getting angry. 

He grabbed me by my shoulders, "Yes, Zukroof, yes I shouldn't have done that but I just did it to show you what kind of a person your darling Nouman was- is" He corrected and then looked at me straight in the eye. I felt like I was a slave encapsulated within the boundaries of his arms, his eyes holding me captive. 

"He doesn't love you, Zukroof" He said softly, "He doesn't love you like..." He paused as he looked down at our shoes. 

 I moved his hands away from my shoulders as I looked at him, his face remained downcast, "Like?" 

"Like I do..." He whispered. 

I heard it. I heard him say it. When Aisha tried to tell me I brushed it off, I was in denial. I didn't want him to love me. Worst, I didn't know what to do if he were to fall in love me. But he did, eventually. I pretended as I didn't. 

"What?" 

"Yep. I love you, Zukroof" He said as he took a step back. 

I don't know why I was on the verge of crying at that moment, I took a step forward, "Is that why you did all that?" 

He heaved a sigh as he combed his fingers through his hair, "I...I...yes" He said and I looked at him with newly formed disgust. "No...I mean...I just wanted to show you that you were falling for the wrong guy" He shrugged. 

I sniffed, "I thought I could move past what you did to me because you and your friendship means the world to me, Yazan. But...now..." I paused, gulping the lump down my throat, "I don't even know who you are anymore" 

He didn't respond and I continued, "The way you are justifying what you did is making you look more disgusting in front of my eyes" 

He shut his eyes closed when he heard me say disgusting. "Even after you did all that, I chose to fix things between us because a part of me felt indebted to you for being such a good friend to me but...now...everything's changed, Yazan" 

I had more to say but he interrupted me, "I have to go" 

"I may have fallen for the wrong guy Yazan, He may have proposed to me to win a stupid dare but he didn't play any mind games with me like you did. He has genuinely fallen in love with me and you didn't consider that could happen. You were so jealous and adamant on breaking us" 

He didn't say anything in his defence, anything at all. No reaction. He just turned around to leave, "I really have to go" and then he left. 

I sat in the classroom for a while one by one a tear fell from my eyes. Was this how we were going to separate ways? This wasn't the goodbye I had for him in my mind. It hurt me because there was no closure on our part. Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he defend himself? 

I wiped any traces of tears away and moved back to the hall to put an end to this conversation once and for all. I wanted to tell him that I was leaving tomorrow and that I would never get to meet him. Probably not for years or maybe never. I wanted to tell him at least we could stay in touch through Facebook. 

I went inside the hall searching for him, his mom was there but he was nowhere to be seen. My parents were having lunch organized by the school committee gesturing me to join and I told them I would be having it with my friends. I placed a few things in my plate and moved to a table where I spotted Talha. 

"Hey, Talha!" I called out for him before he could move away from where he was standing as I made my way towards him. 

"HEY! Congratulations Zuki" He smiled at me, I smiled back, "Thank you" I said. 

"Do you know where I can find Yazan?" 

He smiled, "He left" 

"Where? His mom is here" I pointed towards where I saw his mom was. 

What came out of Talha's mouth reached like an arrow pointed at my chest. 

"I offered to drop his mom home" 

"No..." 

"He was getting late for his flight" 

"No..." I shook my head, "NO"

"His flight to Riyadh"