A Thing, Beyond Forever

25.

YAZAN

I could hear her voice echo in my room, in my head. I was unable to sleep. 

"You disgust me, Yazan. I hate you"

Every time I shut my eyes closed, the scene would replay in front of me. So many times that I had begun to hate myself. 

"Why didn't you tell her?" Talha asked me after she left with Nouman running after her. 

I gulped the lump forming in my throat. I took a few deep breaths in and out, still unable to comprehend how everything unfolded in front of me. I plopped down on my bed, feeling defeated. 

"Tell her what, Talha? What could I have possibly said to make her feel less bad about what I did?"

Talha paced around my room as he sighed. "That jerk. That jerk. Nouman. He saw her behind the door and he played the game" 

I looked up at Talha, "What? What do you mean?" 

"He must have looked at Zukroof standing near the door that's why he went from 'you gave me the dare to propose her and I did not just made her my girlfriend but I also kissed her, how much money did I make?' to 'I fell in love with her after spending time with her'

My eyes rounded up in realization. "Oh, my god. That's true. How quickly he changed his choice of words"

"Exactly. And you were already angry about how he thought this was a game for him. The more things he did with her the more money he would get. That jerk. Ugh. I hate him so much. I am so furious right now, Yazan!"

I looked at Talha's agitated reaction but I couldn't understand why I didn't feel them same. I should have been equally angry about this. But I guess the sadness I felt when she looked at me with tears in her eyes...as if...as if I had broken something inside her...it tore me apart too. I broke her trust. I can't blame her for not letting me explain. If I were at her place I would have reacted the same way she has. 

"Let it go, Talha" I muttered under my breath. 

"What do you mean let it go? Are you gonna just sit and watch Zukroof get deluded by that jerk?"

I shrugged, "Maybe it's for the best? I don't know" I shook my head. "I don't know what to do now, alright? Anyway she'll be leaving for Kuwait soon and if she's happy with Nouman, who am I to interfere?" 

Talha rubbed his face with his palms. "Are you even listening to yourself?"

"Just let it go, Talha" 

"I can't!" Talha yelled at my face.  His face turning red and veins bulging out of his temples. "If there's anyone who's deserving of Zukroof..." He said lowering his voice, "It's you" 

He looked at me, "But I don't know if she's deserving of my best friend" He stomped his foot on the ground and walked away. 

It's going to be a month till the results are out. My father has asked me whether I wanted to join him in Riyadh after school ended. I think, think and think about it all night. I have nothing to look forward to here anyway so I pick my phone and dial my dad and take the decision that looks like the only sensible decision I have to take. 

****************************

ZUKROOF

I had the dream again. The one I had at the first day of school. With a man encircling his arms around my waist and whispering good morning beautiful against my skin. I jolt my eyes open at that moment. Because now I am sure that the voice of the man belongs to none other than Yazan. 

Now that I knew what Yazan did, I couldn't help but wonder why he did what he did. It was driving me insane. He had no reason to do such thing but I couldn't even bring myself to accept the fact that he was the one who did it. 

I didn't see it at first because I was raged at the time but now when his face kept playing in front of me each time I closed my eyes, I see it. Crystal clear. I must have misunderstood him. I keep hovering my fingers over his name on the chat box, I want to ask him why he did that. I wanted him to explain. I wanted him to say sorry and I wanted to forgive him and move past these dark clouds. Because more than I cared to admit. I missed him. I missed my best friend. 

 I wondered if he weren't messaging me then I should but that's when I realized this, maybe I was not missing him, I was missing how he made me feel.