A Thing, Beyond Forever

24.

"I am sorry. I am sorry I was a jerk. I am really sorry Zukroof. Please forgive me" 

"What part of me ignoring you doesn't make you understand that I want nothing to do with you?"

"I know you are upset & angry and you have every right to be but I am sorry. I am really sorry"

I sighed on the other side of the phone as he continued to apologise. I didn't know why but his apologies didn't seem genuine to me. 

"Listen, just let me be for a while. Okay? I am still trying to get over about how you treated me. So, just...just leave me alone" 

"Alright. I hope you are coming to Yazan's party. I am hoping to see you. I miss you" He said. If you were to ask me a few days back I'd have told that these are the words I have been dying to hear from him. That he missed me. That he wanted to see me but I didn't know why as soon as he said it. I didn't want to hear them anymore. 

"I am not sure about that" I said as I cut the call abruptly. Because I knew he'd go on forever about how much he loves me and misses me and in that moment I wanted to think straight and not go on to do dumb mistakes. I kept thinking about what Yazan told me the other day. I still haven't come to the terms of believing that Nouman isn't the one for me. Because he is, in every way that I have dream of over the years but this time I am a little confused. It's a mind against heart kind of thing and I am just waiting for a sign. Anything to let me know what's wrong and what's right. 

***************************

I kept looking at the time on the clock. The party must have begun. Everyone from school must have started gathering at his place. I kept staring at the numbers and the hands of the clock as if that was going to change anything. I wanted to go. Yazan thought of throwing a party for everyone because we were getting bored at home having nothing to do now that our exams were over and we were waiting desperately for the results. God knows where our destinies will take us, He said. And while everyone's still here let's have a get-together party. 

But I wasn't really exhilarated about the idea of seeing Nouman there, which was why I couldn't get myself to get ready and go to the party. It was just a block away and Yazan's mom had already convinced my mom about it. It was going to be under her surveillance not the kind of parties white kids do. 

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the ping sound Facebook makes when you get a message. I was so zoned out I didn't even realise that I was logged into Facebook the whole time. 

Where are you?

I shut my eyes close as I groaned. I didn't know what to say. This might be the last time I would be seeing everyone before leaving for Kuwait but I didn't want to be there for anyone except for Yazan. I still hadn't told anyone about what happened between me and Nouman on the last day of our exam. The messages kept coming. I sighed before letting my fingers hover over the keyboard. 

Yazan: Are you there? 

Why haven't you come here yet?

helloooooo

Me: I am at home

Yazan: I know that, I am asking why aren't you here? What happened? Did aunty tell you something?

Me: No, she doesn't have any problem. 

Yazan: Then????

Me: I don't know. I don't want to meet Nouman and everyone else will be asking me about that day.