About a month after that, I went to the doctors and I was 4 months pregnant. I was so exited because we were going to find out the gender. I had decided after doing research and some thinking that I was going to do an open adoption, but then I had to start interviewing families. The adoption agency I had chose was very nice, and all the reviews on it were good. At first when I walked into the doctors office I was exited, but after I sat there in the waiting room for a little while, That soon faded away. I was worried at first that if I found out the gender of the baby that I would get too attached and then it would be hard to put the baby up for adoption. But, after sitting there and thinking, it came back to me that with an open adoption I would still get photos and occasionally get to visit the kid. After about 20 minutes, they called us in to the room, and the doctor rubbed the blue jelly onto my stomach. They took an ultrasound, and then the doctor announced it was a girl. I was so happy to have a cute little baby girl. Driving home from that appointment, my mom had told me to call Fabian and tell him that he was going to have a daughter, but I refused. Part of the reason why I wanted to put the baby up for adoption in the first place was because I knew Fabian and I basically hated each other, and I knew that if I kept the baby, either he would want to see the baby and then I would have to see him that way, or he would never come, and my baby would be left without a father, and I didn't want to be a single parent. My parents had been divorced ever since I was 9, mainly because my dad said dance was "too expensive" and that a kid my age shouldn't dance that much. Ever since then, I barely ever saw him, and my mom raised me. I missed my dad sometimes, but he was rude, and hated dance which was my whole life, before this baby of course. It was sad though, to see moms and dads, happily together, with their kid with them. I loved both of my parents, but I had always wished my dad was different, and that I could be raised by two parents, not only one. I had also gone back to the part that if I hadn't been dancing or even alive in the first place, then my parents would have been happily together. My mom had always told me that it wasn't my fault and that there were other issues builder off of other issues. But I still thought it was my fault, and when they were getting divorced, I was really depressed and down in the dumps. And I definitely, definitely didn't want that for my precious daughter. I had always read stories about teen moms' kids, and they always said it was their fault their parents broke up, because when their mom found out she was pregnant, their dad broke up with her. And even though that was part of our issue, the other part was that Fabian couldn't live up to his mistakes, and I didn't want to be with someone like that. Even if we had been together for years.
