|Delusional Z.M. AU|

25

ROSE

When I open my eyes,Zayn is no longer there. Then I remember,he isn't my friend anymore. I stand up and take the chocolate I hid under my pillow along with the pills.

I take the beloved chocolate and throw it outside where it is no longer raining. I throw it and watch it fall slowly. One by one,I drop them and watch as the cars driving in and out of the golden gates smash them. This asylum looks like such a nice place on the outside. It is a big white building with golden outlines. There is a garden before it, in a circle. Around the circle is the road that people enter and leave on. It used to be a home,in 1833,but now it's a home for 'mentally deranged.'

The house is kind of like people. They may look perfectly fine on the outside but on the inside they are drowning.

"I'm fine,"said Aria. Only my six year old self knew better.

I don't know why I'm here. I don't think I'm insane. If anything,everyone else is. They are so ignorant they can't see the people right in front of them. There are spirits all around us,some screaming for help. Others screaming for us to move on.

"Mommy? Is Aria ever coming back?" I ask,looking up at my beautiful mother.

"No. You've made sure of that,didn't you?" I look at her with bewildered eyes,my seven year old mind not comprehending what she was saying.

"I..I don't understand."

"You ruined her. You ruined our family. You ruined everything. Robert died going to he hospital for you. For your birth." She spits out angrily.

"Aria died because of you. If you hadn't gone outside with her,if you had stayed inside. She would still be here. This is all your fault you..you monster!"

"I'm sorry mommy." I say,my small chest moving erratically. I look at her with frightened eyes,my heart practically beating out of my chest.

"I'm sorry." I say once again,my heart hurting. I sit down on the floor,my hands on my ears,rocking myself back and forth.

"I'm sorry." I repeat,louder this time. Only no one is there to hear me.

"I'm sorry." I say,becoming short of breath. The room suddenly spins and I feel like I'm suffocating. It's like I'm in the middle of a street dying but no one can see me. I try to breath but no one helps. They just stand there. Watching.

"I'm sorry!"

That was my first panic attack.

"Shhhh.. It's okay,Rosie."

"Aria?" I ask,not believing my eyes. I stand up,and run towards her only to be slammed against the wall. I frown and try to reach out to her but I can't.

"But your dead."

"I'm not dead. I'm simply..on vacation. But I'll be back soon."

"Mommy said you're dead."

"Don't be gullible,love, I'm far from it. Look,when this happens. When you can't breath,try to take a deep breath and calm yourself. Okay?" She asks,kneeling down before me.

"Okay."

That was the first time I saw Aria. She was like my guardian angel,always there to keep away the bad. But sometimes ,she was the bad.