Chapter Seventeen
To: Jaybrune
We need to talk.
I sent the text right away. Pagkatapos ng foodtrip namin ay isa-isa na kaming naghiwalay. Nauna na kong umalis sa kanila dahil uuwi muna ako sa bahay bago pumunta sa condo ni Jaybrune. I didn't even look at them.
Pag guilty talaga, I feel like everyone seemed to know about my secret.
Pagkauwi ko ay mabilis akong naligo at nagbihis. Pagbaba ko ay nakita ko si Mama sa sala at nakatingin sa bintana at parang nakatingin sa kawalan. Well, literally she was staring at nothing. A sudden pain poked my heart. How does it feel being unable to see everything but darkness? Like something very valuable for you was taken away from you? I would really feel depress dealing with darkness, but here, seeing my mom, who is smiling at nothing, like it was the most precious thing she had ever seen....
I missed her. I was very busy these past weeks that's why I didn't have time talking and cuddling to her like I always do before. Parang gusto kong icancel ang 'red hot' meeting namin ngayon ni Jaybrune ngunit hindi pwede dahil sa inaasal ni Derick kanina. We need to discuss it as early as now.
"Anak, aalis ka?", there's a glint of sadness in her voice but still her smiling lips tried to cover it.
Huminga ako ng malalim, "opo. Pero mabilis lang naman po ako". Tumabi ako sa kanya. Nakita ko pa ang hawak niya na heart-shaped pillow na kasing laki lang ng kamay niya. She was pinching it lightly.
There's a silence between us in few seconds. Napawi ang ngiti niya at tumingin sa gawi ko, "is it bad if I feel I am missing your Dad?".
Yumuko ako. I did see it coming, though. She's still my Mom who loves my Dad to eternity like he's the only thing she could really have, except me. I saw a glimpse of water in her eyes until it flowed down to her cheeks. Ilang segundo lang ay naririnig ko na ang hikbi niya. My heart melted and got my teary eyes too. I pulled her into a hug as tight as I can.
"Mom, stop crying please...", garalgal na ang boses ko but I was trying to sound firm and steady. Hinagod ko ang likod niya habang umiiyak siya sa balikat ko. How I wanted to touch and kiss her heart until she'll never cry like this again. But I can't and I know only Dad can do that.
"Baby, is it bad?", she asked again but I remained silent, "because if it's bad then I wouldn't mind being a hot, bad girl at all".
I chuckled, she does, too. But we fell in silence again, still hugging each other. I can feel my Mom's heart beating faster, like it was telling her that it needs to be healed to normal. But the mere fact that Mom would possibly get hurt again with him makes me stand with firmed wall around her to protect her against him. I will never risk her heart again, even if she misses him. She's so martyr. Even if Dad hurt her again, she will still accept him with arms wide open. Well maybe I know my purpose of living in this world - to protect my Mom from heartaches and burdens. I'm not looking for a father's care anymore. Just me and Mom in this small, peaceful house is more than enough. Tama na iyong masakit at masalimuot na nakaraang naidulot sa'min ng papa ko.
"I'm sorry, Mom", was all I said to her. Humigpit naman ang yakap niya sa'kin at huminga ng malalim.
"It's okay, anak. I know you're just a brave princess who wants to protect her weak hot Mom of a queen", natawa uli ako sa kanya. Pag talaga naggaganito siya, hindi talaga nawawala ang 'hot' na word. Well she was just telling the truth. Her lack of sights wasn't really the hindrance to stay fit and sexy and beautiful as ever.
