HAVE A LITTLE FAITH: PART 2 (HARRY STYLES FANFIC)

2

Faith entering my mind makes me realize that a good night of sleep will not come my way.

Knowing that I'll probably sleep for a good twelve hours or better after my surgery, lets me indulge in thoughts of Faith for most of the night. I spend hours laying in my bed; recalling all the memories of my relationship with that beautiful girl.

I fall asleep with a smile on my face at a little after seven in the morning only to have the alarm wake me back up at nine. As tired as I feel; I also feel wound up.

My nerves and my excitement begin to crash together in my body as I crawl out of bed.

I'm actually surprised that I didn't spend what little bit of sleep I got, dreaming about Faith or even having nightmares about the possible bad things that could happen after my surgery.

The idea of spending the rest of my life, laying on my back and not being able to even lift my finger to scratch my nose, let alone be able to feed myself, scares the living shit out of me.

More than being scared of spending the rest of my life paralyzed, the thought of being such a burden to my father is what tears at me the most.

He would have to spend the rest of his life, dedicating every second to taking care of me. He shouldn't have to do that, no parent should.

I spent a little time, looking into some permanent care facilities that specialize in taking care of patients that are paralyzed. I found one that looked nice and I have decided that I want to be moved there and let them take care of me every day instead of having my father care for me.

I know he'll fight me tooth and nail over my decision but over time, he will see that it will be the best thing for both of us. He can still come and see me as much as he wants to but at least he won't have to wipe my ass and spoon feed me every day.

Even though I am scared to death about the thought of spending the rest of my life not being able to move at all, the thought of dying is worse.

There might have been a time in my life that I would have welcomed death but I don't feel that way anymore.

Faith gave me that...

She gave me a reason to want to continue on this earth.

She gave me a reason to wake up with a smile on my face every morning.

I don't want to die.

I want to live!

I realize, that if I do end up paralyzed for the rest of my life, that my desire to live might fade over time and thoughts of leaving this earth will make their way back into my thoughts. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it but for now I need to remain positive and hold onto my desire to live.

Like I said, I'm surprised that I didn't have any nightmares last night or even have any dreams about the dark beauty that I can't call mine anymore but I didn't...I did dream though. I guess they were more like flashbacks than dreams but what I dreamed about was being younger and being up at the lake house.

It was mid-August and it was sweltering hot outside.

Jake and I were floating on inner tubes out on the lake, just trying to keep the sweat from beading up on our bodies. Dad tried to get us to stay in the house, in the air conditioning but we were stubborn. We wanted to hang on to the last couple of weeks of summer before we had to go back to school. Before we had to be locked up inside of a brick building all day, only seeing the great outdoors from the small windows of a classroom.