Mistakes We Made (Wattys2016)

Chapter Six

Emma's POV

Kade declined my invitation for him to stay for supper. He said he didn't want to overstay his welcome. I told him to come back by whenever he wanted. Most of the time, it was John, Rae and me. So it was nice having someone different around every once in a while.

I made Shepard's pie for supper. Rae was being quieter than usual. She seemed lost in thought. I didn't ask her about it though. While I was cleaning up the kitchen, I once again noticed she was intently watching John play on the floor. She was lying on the couch, following him with her eyes . I could tell something was bothering her, other than just Jace. I sat down next to her.

"What's going on?" I asked her, as o started playing in her hair.

"I'm so mad at Jace... I know it's silly, but I am so angry at him for doing that. For being so careless with his own life. I wish he was alive, just so I could strangle him..."

"I know. I think it's normal to feel like that."

"I wish I could see him one more time... Just more time." She sighed.

"I don't think that's the only thing bothering you." I prompted her.

She didn't respond at first. She continued to watch John. I could tell that she was debating with herself. She wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about it yet or not. Finally she let out another shaky sigh.

"Sometimes when I look at John, I feel my heart break and it takes everything in me not to cry, because all I can think about is that damn clinic." Her eyes welled up with tears. "I can still see that waiting room and that nurse, who was acting like it wasn't a big deal." That's when she broke down.

"I know that I wasn't ready to be a parent and I know he wasn't either... But Em, he didn't even go with me. I mean I didn't want him to, but he didn't even offer. It's like he didn't care about me anymore." She spoke through her tears

She sat up and I pulled her to me for a hug. I just held her to me and let her cry. "It's okay Rae." I whispered.

"I feel so stupid for loving him when I know he didn't love me."

"He did love you Rae. But Jace just wasn't ready to grow up. But he loved you in his own way." I assured her. She cried even harder.

"I was so terrified that day."

"I remember." I told her, as I continued hugging her. I had gone with her that hot August day, a couple years ago. I didn't like it, I didn't want to be and I didn't support it. But she was my best friend and she needed me, so I went.

"I hated him that day. I hated that I let him talk me into even going to that place..." She whispered. "Sometimes I'm so jealous of you, Emma. I see you with John and my heart wants to break. And I know that's not fair to you. It's not your fault.." Tears were streaming down her face.

"Rae, you no cry." John walked over. "Me love you." He laid his head on her lap, trying to comfort her.

Rae let out a sob. "I love you too John." She pulled him into her lap and gave a tight hug.

"I know it's hard Rae. I know you're having a hard time and I won't pretend like I know what you're going through, because I don't. But we love you. John and I love you. You're a part of our family."

******

"I'm sorry that I broke down earlier. I've said some things today that probably hurt your feelings.." Rae apologized later that night. She had decided not to go home, so we were both lying down in my bed, trying to get some sleep.

"It's okay Rae.." I assured her.

"No it's not. Em, you've done so much for me and I appreciate it, I really do."

"Rae, I know you're going through a tough time. I'd be worried if you didn't lash out and have a break down." I let out a small laugh.

"Thank you for everything." She whispered.

"Go to sleep Rae." I told her. A few minutes later, I heard her light snores, signifying that she was knocked out for the night.

I rolled over and faced the door, hoping that I would fall asleep. But I couldn't. I continued to toss and turn, restlessly. A glance at the alarm clock told me that it was 12:36. If I didn't fall asleep soon, I would be extremely cranky in the morning.

I finally tossed the covers back and tiptoed into the living room. I picked up the remote control and turned the television on. I pressed the volume button and turned it down extremely low. I didn't want to disturb John or Rae. Maybe watching a movie would help me to fall asleep.

Thirty minutes later, I was still awake. I turned the TV off, since that wasn't helping me any. I snuggled up under a blanket and stared off into space. Finally, I drifted off to sleep.

"Come on sleepy head, time to get up." I felt some shake my shoulder.

"Stop yelling." I whined as pulled the blanket over my head. The person speaking laughed.

"Emma, you're gonna be late for work." I peeked open one eye. Rae was standing next to the couch with a coffee mug in her hand.

"I hate Mondays." I muttered as I took the coffee mug from her hands.

"I didn't mean to kick you out of your bed. Was I snoring?" Rae asked as she lifted John into his high chair.

"No. I couldn't seem to fall asleep last night." I took a few gulps of coffee.

"Why don't you call into work today?" My best friend suggested as she cut up some fruit for John's breakfast.

"I'll be alright. I'll just need a lot of coffee this morning." I walked over to the coffee pot and refilled my cup, then I went over and kissed John's cheek. "Good morning sweetie."

"Ma, 'berry?" He offer me a piece of a strawberry. I took it.

"Thank you." I kissed him again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Rae asked me.

"I'll be fine." I assured her.

"I really am sorry about how I acted yesterday." She apologized once more.

"Rae, it is okay, really. I know that none of this is easy on you."

"Thank you."

"If you say thank you one more time, I will slap you." I threatened her. "We're best friends. We're supposed to be there for each other. We take care of each other in our times of need. It's in the rule book."

She threw her arms around my neck, almost making me spill my coffee, which would have been tragic. I hugged her. "You'd better not start crying again." I warned her. She laughed.

"I'm not gonna cry." She gave me a smile as if to prove that she was okay.

"You're such a goofball." I rolled my eyes at her, but I smiled back.

Rae was going to be okay. She'd been through a lot, but she was going to make it. She'd needed to lash out the night before. She'd need to cry, she had to get the anger and sadness out of her system. She'd been burying it inside for so long, letting everything build up. But at that moment, I knew she was going to be fine. She was going to find a way to be happy again.

A/N two updates in a day? I am on a roll! But they have been short updates, but oh well. I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter. It's kinda sad, but let me know what y'all think!

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