Mistakes We Made (Wattys2016)

Chapter Four

Emma's POV

"Come out, come out, where ever you are!" I called out as I peeked under the steps in the front yard. Of course, I knew exactly where John was hiding, but, we were playing hide and seek. I wanted him to think he was good at hiding. I wanted him to feel good about himself.

I looked under the chairs and the tables. Then I sat down on the grass and sighed. "I give up. I can't find you anywhere!"

"Me right here!" He crawled out from under and the steps and declared.

"You were right there? You're such a good hider!" I smiled at him and opened my arms for a hug. He flung himself into my arms.

"Me really good hider Ma." John corrected me.

"The absolute best." I assured him as I kissed his cheek. "Come on, let's go inside." I stood us both up, then took his hand.

Once we were inside, I fixed us some lunch. It wasn't anything fancy, just ham sandwiches with Cheetos, those were John's favorite chips. I fixed him a sippy cup of chocolate milk and a glass of tea for myself. Of course, John wanted something sweet to go along with the meal, so we each ate a few cookies too.

After lunch, I made a split second decision. I wanted to go to the cemetery. Jace's headstone was up. I thought it was time for me to pay him a proper visit. We were once friends after all.

I got John cleaned up, scrubbed the dirt off his face from playing outside, and then I changed into a fresh shirt. I placed John in his car seat, giving him a cup of juice along with a few toys. Then we took off across town.

I thought about calling Rae and asking her to go. But I knew that visiting him would be something she needed to do on her own. I decided to stop by my grandparents house on the way over there. They weren't home, but that didn't matter.

My grandmother had a beautiful garden. She loved flowers. She had all kinds. Being that it was September, not all of them were still in bloom. I picked daisies, marigolds, and anything else that looked pretty. I fashioned a bouquet and then I was ready to go.

John held my hand as we walked slowly across the cemetery. Jace's plot was at the back of the grounds. His headstone stood alone. It read : "Jace Michael McCauley - Beloved Brother and Son". I sat down next to his grave, laid the flowers down and ran my hand across the stone. It was still so hard to believe that he was gone.

John stood up and began to walk around the grave. He didn't want to sit still. He didn't wander far. He was just searching for the perfect place to play. He had his cup in one hand and a toy truck in the other. Once he settled in the grass, I began to talk to Jace.

"A couple years ago, I hated you. I hated that you wouldn't take responsibility for your actions. I hated what you asked Rae to do, because I'm the one who had to pick up the pieces. You flipped my life upside down. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. This wasn't the plan." My eyes began to fill up with tears. I swiped under my eyes, then continued talking.

"I blamed you for so long. But I was wrong. It wasn't all your fault. Rae made mistakes and I did too. It wasn't fair to blame you. I'm so sorry that I did. And I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for all of those stupid mistakes that you made... And I really hope that you forgave me. I let my pride get in the way and I shouldn't have. I thought I was doing the right thing and I think Rae did too. We were so sure that we were doing what was best for everyone. But we were wrong. Now that you're gone, I really wish we would have done things differently. But I can't take back what the things that I did... So I'm sorry."

I stopped talking and just watched John play. He was so precious. He was innocent. He had not yet been tainted by the world. I tried so hard to do the right thing when it came to him. I wanted to protect him from the world. To save him from heart break and pain.

"John come to Mama." I called out to him. He looked up from his toy. "Come here please." I held out my arms. He grabbed his cup and tractor and made his way to me.

"Ma'am?" He asked, although it didn't actually sound like 'ma'am'. But I was his mother so I understood what he was trying to say.

"Sit down in Mama's lap." I patted my legs, he obeyed. "What's your name?" I asked him.

"John." He pointed to himself.

"John what?"

"John Michael." He proclaimed.

"You're such a smart boy." I hugged him. "I love you." I pointed to him.

"I love you." He pointed to me. Again, it didn't come out exactly right, he was only a year and a half old, after all, but he tried to repeat it back to me. "Me pway?" He asked.

"You can go play." I helped him stand up. He settled down a few feet away. A grasshopper had caught his attention. He was watching it hop.

"Well Jace, now you've gotten to meet your son." I spoke to the grave. "He sure is beautiful isn't he?"

A/N This chapter is shorter than normal. But it's an important chapter and I didn't want to fill it with useless information. Comment and/or vote if you're enjoying the story!