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"Here's your breakfast," Mrs. Lynch hands me my tray with toasted bread and a soup. She gestures towards the cup of water at the end of the line, and I proceed over there to get myself a cup of water before proceeding to my table.
I made sure there're no signs of Annika here inside the cafeteria before finally agreeing with Mike to come out of my room and eat here. He told me they moved Annika to another building, wherever that is. As long as she's far away from me and out of reach, I'm sure I'll be fine.
Carefully placing my tray of food on the side of the table, I take a bite of the toasted bread as I look around the place.
It had been two days since I was in the clinic. I asked the doctor, after a few hours when I was back in my room, if I can eat my meal inside my room for a day. He agreed on my request. That was a good thing, but I found out later that evening that he prescribed another pills on me. To take just every night. Well how great is that? Note the sarcasm.
One of the patients spilled her tray of food on the floor, causing her to scream and then cry all lunatic. A nurse rushes to her side and got her a new tray but she kept on spilling it until they decided to bring her out.
Another patient sits at the end of the cafeteria, quietly eating her toast. Two of them are laughing at each other not caring about the water that had spilled on their table.
I continue eating my soup whilst scanning through the room until my eyes landed on a certain patient, sitting far away from the rest of the patients, his jaw clenched and eyes shut closed. He had his arms over his chest.
I haven't seen him here before. He must be new. I take one last bite on my toast and finally finished my breakfast.
I stood there in silence still scanning around the room until I've decided that maybe I should go back to my cell. I can't stand the noise in here for another minute longer.
"Feeling better?" I looked up at Mike, the nurse who'd been attending on me since a few days back. He was looking straight ahead as we walk back to my cell. I nodded my head a little but then realizing he wasn't looking, "yes, I guess"
"Why'd you suddenly screamed and ran by the way?" If he had asked me a few days earlier, I might have snapped at him for snooping around being nosy.
But then, he was the one who helped me and hadn't been giving me that you're-a-mental-patient-look so I shrugged it off and just find it a little great I guess. I mean, at least I can actually talk to someone around here.
"I don't know," I answer honestly. I mean, I saw Annika yes, and she kind of freak me out since her lash out on me. But still, I don't think it ever occurred to me to do such things running around making myself look even more crazy.
She totally freaks me out, end of story. But I don't think that's enough reason though.
Finally we made our way in front of my room and I heave out a sigh of relief. I never thought I'd be doing that. Mike flashes his key card on the side of the door and it opens. I walk in feeling the lonely ambiance again inside. I am glad I didn't have nightmares last night. I was totally needing a peaceful sleep.
"Lunch is at the same time. You can sleep if you want," Mike says still holding the door open.
I chuckle facing him, "You know I've been a patient here since like forever, right? So I probably know such things."
He laughed at himself realizing it then mouthing the word 'oops sorry' before locking the door shut behind him. I on the other hand sat at the edge of my bed, facing the empty wall. Just like always.
I am really desperate to live a normal life but I don't know how if I am locked up in here.
Escaping sounds great but I never really considered that option because first thing, if they ever catch me escaping the walls of this sanitarium they would definitely all think that I am really nuts. In which I can't give them the satisfaction to think of.
I just wanted the staffs, the doctors to realize that I am too normal to be lingering around here.
Another thing is that, where would I ever go if I ever get out of this damned place?
1. I have no money
2. I was admitted here since I was 9, and I don't even know places around here, heck I don't even know where this sanitarium is located
3. I have simply just nowhere to go; it doesn't sound like my parents would be glad to take me back in their arms.
For all I know, they are probably out there not even spending a second in their life thinking about me. And it's not like I can just knock on someone's door and ask them to let me stay. They probably won't let me if they ever find out I was from an asylum.
So there it is, I don't think I would ever survive if I ever set foot out of this place.
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"Been feeling any better?" Mike asks as we walk towards the cafeteria that night. I give him a nod, which is only half true.
Better because I tried to sleep earlier and I woke up without any nightmares. But not really great because I still wanted to get out of this damned place. Sorry but, I mean I don't feel like staying in here any longer anymore.
"I want to get out of here," my eyes opens wide, shocked that I even said that out loud. Mike stopped in his tracks and so did I. I look at him and he is looking right down at me, "why?"
"I mean..." I stutter, "oh well never mind."
"Bu-" he starts but I cut him off , "Just drop it, forget that I ever said that."
I walk faster towards the cafeteria and Mike followed. I didn't mean to sound angry, I just, I got so much on my plate right now I'm still confused with why am I here and I just don't know how to deal with any of these anymore.
"Mood swings much?" Mike tried to lighten the mood and I tried to smile but then I snapped, "Talking much?"
He remains quiet and let me go alone to my space at the cafeteria. I heave out a deep breath and just leaned in there for a few minutes before standing up and getting my dinner.
Goodness, those pills better be not making me a crazy ass bipolar bitch.
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