Lilies

→ five ←

Above: A poster of the Walt Disney fairytale 'Sleeping Beauty.'

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dear mom,

the boy on fire is named noah

i've never been very good at making friends

and i pushed the few i had away for fear they wouldn't understand

my heart guarded with thorns that draw blood

just like sleeping beauty

but the thing is,

there's nothing left to save from this curse branded as life

for how can you salvage something that is already broken?

but this valiant prince has yet to uncover the secret lying behind my stone walls

and will soon find that through his rescue mission,

he will put his own heart into an eternal slumber

and his memories of us will rest in more or less peace underneath the earth

twelve inches under where they will rot

just like jaden

until then

he sits with his peanut butter and jelly

me with my ham and cheese

i suppose that he took such a liking to your joke

that every day he arrives with variations of his own

always too eager to get to the punchline 

'why did the calf cross the road?'

'noah-'

'to get to the udder side'

and the whole time he would wear this dumbfounded grin

expectantly waiting for me to understand

with those eyes i couldn't let down for the life of me

i'll admit it was cute

and made my heart flutter

but i wish i had never used that joke

'one of these days, you'll laugh. i'll get you just as good as you got me.'

i smile halfheartedly, unable to relinquish to him the truth

i will never laugh

because it reminds me too much of your conniving ways

and this fear lingering that i'll grow up with my children

and when i look in the reflection

i'll see you

on the bright side, every day

it hurts a little less

because i'm learning not to associate the joke with you

and beginning to think of him instead

and that scares me

because he lets me forget the burning hole in my desk drawer

that your unopened letter is making

a constant reminder of the damnation you have condemned me to

of the dragon that breathes a ring of fire around the burial grounds of my heart

for you are maleficent

with black wings from hell crafted from the fallen feathers of ravens

luring me to follow you to my death with your ghastly appearance

where the spinning wheel awaits, calling for my presence

and i am aurora

who cannot change her fate despite everything i try

predestined to prick her finger from the very beginning

forced to watch with my own eyes as i meet my demise

it is for this same reason that i must think of your ink stains on the paper

in order to stop the snowball effect i have accidentally started

i will not be the singing siren you want me to be

and let him be the hopeless sailor who sinks to his death trying to be my anchor

we will not exchange places

i will not risk the chance of sacrificing him in order to save myself from this dark magic

the letter ensures that i stray from this opportunity

and secure his own well-being

even if it means my own

we cannot be friends

i cannot let him in

he cannot break my barrier of thorns

his sword cannot slay this dragon

for the beast must lay within

yours truly,

evelyn

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A/N: Hello, my wonderful readers!

What did you think of the chapter? Is the main character (I'm not sure yet when I'll tell you all her real name, it's not even symbolic but maybe I can twist it to mean something) right in pushing Noah away for fear of hurting him? Or does she not realize she will only hurt him more by doing this?

I'm trying to decide how many chapters I'm planning on making this. It would help a lot with figuring out the pacing, so what do you think? I've been considering something like thirty, but it might get drawn out even longer the way it's going right now.

Please don't be a silent reader, and vote, comment, and follow, okay? I really would love to hear from you all.

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Kiana