Lilies

→ eleven ←

dear mom,

sometimes i can't remember what you look like

almost as if you were only a figment of my imagination

a caricature in a reoccurring bad dream that haunted my sleep

like a nightmare that blurred the line between reality and fantasy

or a character in a book i once read, as two-dimensional as a paper doll

except your hand had been severed from interlacing with my own fingers

i only have a chalk outline of a person in my mind

like a detective trying to piece together a crime scene i didn't witness

amorphous forms that can envelop themselves into any shape

i think that's why it's easy for me to morph you into a villain

it's almost as if this vague image gives me a sense of animosity

for i am not forced to see a human; nevertheless, a mother

i can peg you to be anything i want you to be:

a pirate, for instance

a villain who instead of stealing treasure chests, collects jars full of broken hearts

they say that your body will know before your mind does

you would be the truest testament of this:

your leg hollow from how many times you've tripped others or seized the carpet from underneath them

trying to grasp as many people as you can to fall down with you

your hand restored to its authentic state--cold, hard metal that gleams in the presence of light

to ensure you can no longer deceive others with the bait of false promises

snaring their trust--hook, line, and sinker

your vision confined to the capabilities of only one eye

to alert others of your lack of perspective to the things in life that are truly worth chasing

your existence defined by the artificial rather than the intangible

and despite your wealth, you will never have the right currency

for no one will endow you with happiness or love if you are not willing to give anything back in return

but,

even though i want to believe it

you are not a villain

nothing is that black and white

for we see the world in color

hues with infinite values and tone ranges

that is what makes life an enigma

i've forgotten this

because dad has been stripping the walls of your existence recently

courtesy of his girlfriend, on behalf of her feelings

every facet of your identity that defined us, every photograph or picture kissed by the memory of you

o n e b y o n e

he thinks i haven't noticed

and he doesn't want me to

but, how could i not?

our house is empty

no more landscapes that transported you to that other side where the grass was greener

places you always said you would travel to one day, break the barrier of two-dimension the frame created

no more books inscribed with little notes that bookmarked the rest stations of your train of thought

entire realms that you escaped to, full of adventures and quests where you could be someone that mattered

stories full of happy endings already written, instead of this wheel of chance you keep spinning for fear of what you'll land on

it's made me hate it there now

i write this smothered by the sounds of chatter and the smell of roasted coffee in a nearby shop

because it no longer feels like home

as if i'm the one wandering the vast seas on a ship that never docks

at least the reminders let me pretend

as if you were on a trip or a vacation

like you were coming back one day

i think it's because

mom,

you're my home

so i don't care if you're the captain of a band of pirates

for i promise to be the best member of your crew

we can go on adventures like in the books you read

to the places you've only seen through the lens of a camera

so please, won't you let me sail with you?

we can be swashbucklers on the open ocean

together

ahoy, matie

yours truly,

evelyn

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A/N:

Hello!

I'm really happy I got this done, this is the third time I've tried to write it xP I've collected a lot of lines that haven't been used, so maybe towards the end of the book (lol wow, that seems so far away) I'll share them all with you as a treat (even though they won't make any sense out of context, but oh well).

What did you think of the chapter? I wrote about pirates because I was thinking about Captain Hook from Once Upon A Time (if you haven't seen the show, you definitely should). I thought about putting Peter Pan in there, but I figured it was long enough already. I've noticed the chapters have been getting longer and longer, I'm not really sure if it's good or bad. Maybe another time though, since I do love that movie!

Any and all feedback is appreciated.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading!

Don't forget to vote, comment, and follow! Don't be a silent reader :)

Love,

Kiana