Lilies

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Above: "There's no place like home" Dorothy scene from the movie Wizard Of Oz.

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dear mom,

i thought i saw you today

i was buying groceries because dad had another episode

he thought i was you again

and i needed to get out of the house

and there you were

across the room standing next to the oranges

ironic, isn't it?

you always hated oranges, but i loved them

i guess it was because at least they weren't as sour as you

they didn't make me suck in my cheeks because of the foreign taste they left on me like you did

our paper walls too thin, the sounds of animals echoing throughout the house

a completely different person than the woman i called my mother

who i dressed up as on halloween in heels and make-up because you were my idol

who i took macaroni out of the cabinet for to make you a heart for mother's day

who enveloped me in hugs and tucked me in, always standing a minute longer outside my door before you left to savor the moment

no, my mother wouldn't wear skirts too short and shirts too low

she wouldn't steal kisses from strange men instead of from me

she wouldn't leave me lying awake as she roared and shouted in the next room

frightening me as if she were the monster underneath my bed instead

you-

you were unrecognizable in those moments

so much so that i would look at you like you were a stranger

your face warped and distorted into the nightmares that hid underneath my eyelids

and when i woke up it would trigger the gag reflex

not your oranges

for a moment, i truly believed the woman was you

and, do you know what the first thing i felt was?

fear-

anxiety that the contents of your still unopened letter had been a sign

that your tornado of chaos had somehow again landed itself in our small town

and like dorothy

all i wanted to do was click my heels together and go home

so that i could escape the wrath of the wicked witch of the west

trying to steal my ruby red slippers of innocence and naivety

the men constantly revolving in and out of our house, your flying monkeys

screeching as they mocked me with their sheepish grins of unapologetic glee

the worst part was

like paper dolls attached to her hand was a little boy

and i thought you had finally found someone to be your jaden again

replaced us, like we were disposable

as if we had ceased to exist entirely

and it made me angry that you would betray him like this on such a grand scale

so i tapped her on the shoulder

bucket of water equipped in hand

ready to pounce

a precaution to protect my heart from your nose that grew longer with each lie you told

like pinocchio

but there was no blue fairy to change you so that blood pumped through your veins

or wizard of oz to give your hollow insides that echoed with their emptiness a heart

but it wasn't-

wasn't you

i'm not sorry that i still drenched her with a cold dose of reality

and whispered as her clothes stuck to her like a second layer of skin

'there's no place like home'

just in case

because i still wished i could cut you out of heart with an excision

still longed to return to the intangible place of before

and fade this eternal pain into steam

so it would all just

melt away

yours truly,

evelyn

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A/N: Hello again! Thank you so much for reading! It was a lot longer than usual, so I'm sorry if I lost you in certain places.

I don't really mean to keep making all of these allusions that end up being a central theme of the chapter (Wizard of Oz, chess, Alice in Wonderland), they kind of just happen. So, what do you think of them? Can you make the connections, or is it too much?

All and any feedback is appreciated.

Don't forget to vote, comment, and follow, okay?

Love,

Kiana