Lilies

→ ten ←

dear mom,

out of all the infinite possibilities of how dad would react

to your absence-

to no longer having to try to tempt you to stop reading so both of you could finally go to bed

at last, able to be alone with the quiet stillness of the dark cloak of night

rather than the soft, florescent light that illuminated your love for words

to no longer having someone to be the answer to the question mark he formed as he slept

the other half of the bed's emptiness echoing through his eardrums

in its deafening silence without your steady breathing

to no longer waking up every morning to the smell of smoke from burning, charred eggs that you accidentally forgot

to the sound of sizzles from the frying pan that crackled and hissed

and the soft hums of our voices mingling and intertwining into one

yes--out of all the roads he could have driven down, the paths he could have traveled, the bridges he could have crossed

you would have never expected that

he would become you

and he would try to mend his broken soul by acting like it was whole

making love and lust interchangeable in the thesauruses you soaked up like a sponge

as if he could pretend that the other half of his heart wasn't missing

that it hadn't been ripped out of chest

and that he wasn't bleeding crimson red

that it wasn't pounding against his ribcage, ready to burst with the slightest touch

so he tried to fix himself by patching on the organs of others

as if his body could accept anything other than the 'a' blood that stood for angie

like any person other than you could synchronize the thump of their beats with his

i didn't do anything at first

we all had our ways to cope

but one day

my volcano full of opinions erupted in a cloud of magma and ash

unfortunately a poor girl in an oversized t-shirt was standing in the way of the rushing lava of words

and i burned her as if i held in my mouth the entire scrabble bag of letters

'hate'

'slut'

'fake'

'bitch'

'ugly'

he didn't defend her or yell

he just left us

and then there was no more women

until now

until this one that has somehow lassoed his capability to love

wrangling it like a herd of cattle with her rope threaded out of the risks of opportunity

mom,

he cares about her

he loves her

he wants me to meet her

i lied to him and said i was okay with it

but, i'm not

i'm sorry about the tear stains on the paper

i'm sorry that i wasn't good enough for you

i'm sorry that i've painted you to be a villain even though you were my hero

that i threw away beauty, crumpled it like a piece of paper with a smudge i couldn't erase

and limited my color palette to simply dark hues so that i can only create art tainted by anger and pain

that my brush is crafted with hatred, its wood out of a rotting tree that died before it grew tall enough to reach the horizon

each stroke poisoned with a curse to only reveal your flaws

i promise to be an artist with credibility and craftsmanship

whose hands are open, grasping at whatever chance i can seize

whose eyes are closed, mind open with the knowledge that believing is seeing

whose ears are not deaf to new ideas, straining to hear the whispers of apologies

so please

come back

i need you

dad's girlfriend can try

but she will never be able to be a synonym for mom

because there is no one who can replicate the intangibility of its meaning

mom (n)

                beauty;

                a person whose purse is bottomless with love to bestow others with;

                the foundation of an individual's identity;

                a support system that never fails to be there;

                 you

yours truly,

evelyn

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A/N:

Hello lovelies!

How did you like the chapter? It's tone is different than the other ones, but it's mostly because she's scared to meet her father's girlfriend. She's desperate, and she's sad. Was it an okay transition, or was it too drastic from how the story has been flowing?

I think this is the first chapter without a central metaphor. I don't know if it's good or bad, depends on your opinion. There's several smaller ones in this though, so there's that. Did you like it better or worse without the central metaphor?

To clarify, Angie is the name of the main character's mother. I know that felt a little weird, since I've never referenced the mom's name before. But, I liked the line so I kept it.

Any and all feedback is appreciated.

Don't forget to vote, comment, and follow, okay? Don't be a silent reader :)

Thank you for reading!

Love,

Kiana