Expiration Date (Books 1 and 2)

44 Do You Think I'm Not Hurting?

Jonas~~

The doctors said I'll be able to return to my room tonight. I haven't been in the infirmary a full twenty-four hours, but I can't stand to be here for even two-hours more. I'm the Preeminence—I need to be working—doing something. I can't just sit in bed without working. When I tried asking for my laptop, my request was refused.

I was told my door has been repaired, and I imagine any trace of what occurred there last night has been cleared away.

I never expected Erik to go this far. To launch an attack on his family.

But he did, and I feel as if I'm responsible.

Someone knocks on the door.

"Enter."

A doctor opens the door and bows. "Preeminence. Mr. Salvatore is here to see you. Should I show him in?"

Brydan has effectively cornered me.

Underneath the blanket, my hand clenches the sheet. "Very well."

He bows and disappears for only a few seconds before returning with Brydan in tow.

"Thank you," my traitor of a friend says to the doctor as he shuts the door.

"If you hoped to catch me high on pain meds and in a better mood, I'm sorry to disappoint."

"I only want to talk. I miss you, Jonas, and I feel awful. The guilt and stress are keeping me from eating, from sleeping."

"You're wanting me to feel bad for you after you helped my brother try to kill Iris?"

"It's not like I brandished the weapon." He's hasn't moved from the door. "And you seem awfully close with Colton again." Brydan motions to the chair beside my bed. "He even spent two hours sitting there."

The bedside chair has seemed rather stiff when I've looked at it. Not at all best for long stints of time. Not that I've given it a try.

"I need Colton to be my Beta. I didn't have much of a choice."

"Then would you let me explain before you have the Veil throw me out?"

I wave my hand in the air. "Go ahead."

He draws closer, but I motion for him to stop.

Sighing, he bows his head. "I have a difficult time telling Erik no, ever since he saved me from the kidnapping."

"That was years ago."

"But if they had succeeded, they might still have me."

"You're planning to be indebted to him your whole life then?"

He opens his mouth, but no words come out.

"He tried kidnapping me last night. He doesn't sound like the same person who once saved you from kidnappers."

"I wasn't convinced Iris would survive in the Society." He clenches his hands. "I'm still not. I didn't want to see how her death would hurt you. Erik was supposed to make sure she stayed far away from the Society."

"And yet you helped Colton and Seong-ho find her."

"Colton found out I let Iris and Erik go. He was going to tell you."

"So the better option was Iris dying over me not trusting you?"

"The idea of losing you tore me apart. You were my first friend—my best friend." His first crush too but he doesn't mention that now. "You were there the first time I rode a bike and drove a car. At every important moment of my life, you were there. I couldn't pull you from those memories, and now I can't think of them without becoming sick. My whole life is one painful memory because you're in all of it."

I look down. "Do you think I'm not hurting? You were there for everything. My brother and my best friend betrayed me. It's been hard enough trying to push that resentment to the side with Colton. How do I do the same for you?"

"Is it time you need?"

Time. As if he could actually hand it to me on a platter. I wasn't supposed to have any more time. "Erik has gone rogue, Iris is leaving, and I think I'm falling in love with her. The woman my brother planned to marry has been a rebel the whole time we've known her. And on top of all that, I'm supposed to be running a country." I clench my left hand. "I'm the head of a family that would kill me if they knew what my Mark says. So, time. Yes, I do need it. And unlike everyone else in this country, I don't know how much of it I currently have. Iris is the only one who can understand." And she's leaving.

Leaving Elleany.

Leaving the Society.

Leaving me.

It's better this way. It's better she goes before I fall all the way for her because I can't allow myself to see what's at the bottom.

"Don't go through this alone, Jonas. Please."

"If I knew the path to trusting you, forgiving you, I would take it." But I can't find it. If it's there, the fog created by all my other worries and troubles is keeping me from seeing it.

Someone knocks on the door, and Brydan looks at me. I nod, and he opens the door, revealing my sister.

She tilts her head, glancing between us. "Am I interrupting?"

"No," Brydan says. "I think we're done." He leaves without a goodbye.

Gwen moves away from the door and comes closer. "I'm here to tell you that you can leave."

I smile, forcing back the emotions with which Brydan left me. "Have I ever told you you're the best sister?"

She laughs. "Make it the best sibling and then you'll have my appreciation."

This cover is made by @amazingmelissa