"Saviour Will Be There..." ((Andley Fanfic))

Chapter Eight

Ashley's POV:

I took a seat next to Jake and Jinxx, picking up a menu and looking it over. I watched Andy closely, much to his displeasure. I hadn't seen him this anxious in a long time and was a bit perturbed by it. He almost seemed afraid, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure. Once we had all ordered, I glanced over at Andy as he ripped his napkin to pieces. He was still acting weird.

"And what can I get for you?"
The waitress smiled at Andy politely even though he wouldn't make eye contact with her. Which was kind of rude in my opinion.

"I um..I'll just have water please."
He muttered and looked down at his hands.
Okay..so now he's not going to eat either. He said he wasn't feeling well, and he didn't sound like he was lying, but something just seemed slightly off. Why do I keep thinking like this? Andy's fine. The only one being affected by all this is me. I'm just overreacting, I need to calm down. Everything's fine. I mean Andy and I are, used to be, really close. If he was struggling with something he'd come to me for help. At least I hope he would..

"Andy, are you okay?"
I finally asked. I know he's fine, I just wanted to assure myself more than him, that he was okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine."
He nodded, smiling a little. I could tell from the pained look on his face he was lying.

"How come that's the same answer I've gotten every time I ask you a simple question?"
I was now getting ticked off.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is! You won't talk to me, you won't let me hang out with you, or any of us for that matter. You won't eat and you're acting weird, if you didn't wanna come you should've said so."
I literly had to bite my tongue to keep from saying anything else. Jinxx sighed and shook his head frustratedly

"Ash leave him alone, he's just tired. We all are."

"Yeah," Jake added, "you're the one acting weird. Just because he didn't wanna eat tonight doesn't mean anything's wrong, you heard him say he wasn't feeling well."

I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. They're right, he's fine. Maybe I need to back off a bit, that's why he doesn't want to talk to me. I'm being too overbearing. I'm just worried.. They don't seem to notice that he's lost weight, or that he hardly eats at all. If they knew about that, they'd want him to eat.
I looked at Andy and shrugged lightly, muttering 'sorry.' CC grinned and playfully punched my shoulder,

"Cheer up Ash, it's not like he's anorexic or anything. Don't you have to be like, thin to have it?"

I rolled my eyes and was about to argue that Andy isn't anorexic and is thin, possibly too thin, but I stopped myself as my gaze fell upon Andy. He paled visibly, his eyes watering as he got to his feet and quickly rushed outside.
​​​​​​
"What the hell was that for?!" I growled, glaring at CC, who was either too shocked or stupid to know what was going on.
​​​​​
"What was what for?" He looked at me cluelessly.

"What you just said! That obviously upset him and you don't even give a damn about it!"
​​​​​I snapped, raising my voice.

"I didn't mean anything by it, Ash. Geez, calm down. Why are you getting so protective all of the sudden? And I didn't mean Andy isn't thin, cause he is, I just meant anorexic people are really underweight is all."

"Can't you see something's wrong? He's been upset lately and he's lost a lot of weight. He probably thought you were calling him fat or something by saying that. He is thin, and it's starting to worry me. I hugged him earlier and I could literally feel his ribs poking against my arm."

​​​Everyone sat in silence after I'd said what I did, even CC. Almost as if they couldn't grasp the thought of Andy doing that to himself.
I know that Andy loses some weight on tour most of the time, but it's never enough to scare me. And could CC possibly be right about something for once? 

What if Andy does have an eating disorder? What if he really does think he's overweight? What if he doesn't really know how perfect and amazing he really is? What if he doesn't know how much I love him?

Andy's POV:

​​​​My mouth dropped as my mind fully registered what CC had just said. So it was true, they did think I was fat. They thought I was disgusting and they probably hated me. I wouldn't ever be skinny, I was apparently too big to have an eating disorder and didn't have one as far I knew. I wish I did.
My eyes burned with tears but I couldn't cry, at least not in front of them. They'd think I was even more useless then they proabaly already do. I quickly got up and hurried outside just as tears began streaming down my cheeks. No one else was outside and it was too dark for anyone to see me if they were. I sat on one of the steps and sobbed silently, wiping my face with my sleeve occasionally. I took the half empty pack of cigarettes from my back pocket, lightning one and putting it between my teeth as I continued to cry.
I wish I was enough for them, for Ashley... 

No one will love me, no one can love me. I'm unloveable. Why would someone else love me if I don't love me? I hate myself, I hate everything about myself.

 It was in that moment that I realized I don't want to just disappear, I want to die...

​​​​