"Saviour Will Be There..." ((Andley Fanfic))

Chapter Nine

Andy's POV:

​​​​​​I somehow managed to pull myself together and decided it would be best to go back inside, even though I didn't want to face the guys, especially Ashley. I wish he would just leave me alone...This is the second time he's made me cry in the past two days. Well technically it wasn't just Ashley this time. Mostly CC. But Ashley didn't tell him to shut up or anything so he must not have cared that much..I don't think anyone really cares about me..

Okay now I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

I put out my last cigarette and tossed the empty box into a trash can near the stairs. I wiped my eyes once more and stood up, opening the door to the restaurant and going back inside. I walked up to the table shyly and sat down. All of them were staring at me again and it made me more uncomfortable than when we'd first arrived. Only because they thought something was wrong with me now, or at least Ashley did. Nothing is wrong though and they don't have to worry. CC sort of clarified that I don't have an eating disorder anyway, because I'd be skinny if I did.

They had all finished their food by the time I'd come back and there wasn't much for any of us to do but glance awkwardly at each other every so often. Jinxx finally broke the silence,

"well, it's getting late, I'm gonna head back to the hotel."

"Yeah, me too."
Jake nodded, leaving a tip for the waitress and standing up.

I was relieved that we were able to get out of that place, also that I wasn't forced to eat anything. We all went outside, heading down the sidewalk in the dark. Jake and CC kept everyone, myself excluded, entertained for the most part. CC was singing loudly and off key and Jake thought it was hilarious. We reached the hotel at about eight-thirty and I felt faint due to how sleep deprived I was. I wanted to curl up in bed and not have to think or do anything for a short period of time. Sleeping is the only thing that allows me to escape the thoughts constantly haunting my mind. Even though I was dead tired, I hadn't forgotten about going on a run again. I don't know why, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I didn't do something physically active. So once I'd gotten to my room I changed out of my clothes and into a jacket and a pair of sweats. I was tying my sneakers when there was a swift knock at the door. I groaned and finished tying my shoe laces. I answered the door and was surprised to see Ashley standing there. I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly and looked down at him.

"Hey, Andy... Look, I just wanted to apologize for tonight. For overreacting and and stuff. Um and because he's downstairs wasted at the moment, I'll apologize on CC's behalf as well. We're sorry."

I felt like crying again, but I didn't. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded

"It's okay Ash..I'm okay..and you don't need to apologize. I'll um see you later." I put my phone and ear buds into my jacket pocket and closed the door to my room. Ashley looked me up and down.

"Where are you going?"
He questioned, following me as I put my head phones in.

"Um, I'm going on a run."
I said casually, hoping he wouldn't suspect anything.

"Again?" He faked a laugh and continued to follow me. "I thought you went this morning.." his voice trailed off.

"And so what if I did? Now please just leave me alone."

Ashley opened his mouth about to protest but sighed instead.
"Okay. Night, Andy..."
I watched as he disappeared around the corner, going to his room I presume. I sighed in frustration and stepped outside.

 It was still freezing out, and I contemplated on whether or not to go back to my room and just be miserable. But I couldn't, I had to do this. I turned on some music and started off down the sidewalk. After a few minutes I wasn't as cold. I kept pushing myself to go a little bit longer every time I wanted to stop. By the time it wasn't possible for me continue, I stopped and checked my phone. I'd only been out two hours. I was somewhat disappointed because I knew I should have kept going. But it had started snowing and my fingers and toes had gone numb so I headed back to the hotel. I staggered inside out of breath. I leaned against the wall, panting. My chest hurt and my lungs were burning. The only thing I could feel was numbness. I actually didn't mind it that much, as I was used to feeling numb by now. 

There was a considerable amount of people in the lobby/bar era, more than half were comepletely plastered, so they didn't notice me. I took my headphones out and put them in my pocket. It only took me a few minutes to get to my room, I'd taken the stairs instead of the elevator, even though I was about to pass out. I was also dizzy and laid down on my bed within seconds of getting to my room. I was still slightly out of breath but was now too tired to care. I finally sat up, taking my jacket off and tossing it on the floor. My stomach growled loudly and I curled up on the end of the bed. I'll admit that I almost gave in, wanting to order room service. But I needed sleep more than food so I kicked off my shoes and crawled under the covers. I made a mental note to buy more diet pills. Also laxitives and diuretics first thing in the morning. We have an interview tomorrow around noon and a concert later that night, so I had to make sure and get what I needed before we headed out. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. I wish I wasn't so scared to ask Ashley to come and cuddle with me till I slept. But I'm sure he wouldn't want to and I don't really want him touching me; but in a way I do..

 I just feel really alone and want someone to tell me everything's okay... 

Why can't things be okay?