"Saviour Will Be There..." ((Andley Fanfic))

Chapter Twenty-Three

Ashley's POV:

I grabbed my coat, pulling it on and quickly going outside before Andy could further protest. Yes I love him, yes I care about him, but I can't take this anymore. I just needed to go outside and get some air. I needed to cool off so I wouldn't keep arguinging with him. He doesn't understand how infuriating it is for him to say he'll 'change,' then the minute we arrive back home he refuses to. He either needs to get help or allow me to help him, otherwise I'm leaving. I'll once again be his best friend and bass player for the band, nothing more. Okay, well, we both know that won't work.. Maybe it's not just him, though. I'm so used to one night stands that maybe I don't know how to keep a good relationship. How does this whole 'couple' thing? I've never really thought of it that way, me and Andy are a couple and we're supposed to love each other and help each other out. But at the moment I'm the only one doing both. I may not need his help right now, who knows, maybe someday I will. But for now I just can't do this, I can't keep this up. This whole false illusion that things will get better is really starting to wear me out. Things can't get better unless Andy gets better first. I didn't mean to just leave him, but he'll be fine. He needs to realize that I'm a person too, I'm a guy with feelings just as much as he is, and when he acts like mine don't matter it hurts. I'm not going to get all sentimental, but when the person you love hardly ever shows it, it hurts. A lot.

I almost wish I smoked so I'd have something to do while I stood out in the cold on the front porch. I put my hands in my pockets and sighed deeply, watching my breath dissolve into the winter air. I stared ahead at nothing in particular, listening to the wind and distant sounds of traffic. It was about one in the afternoon, though it seemed later. The sun was hidden behind the clouds. Everything outside seemed dark and gloomy, and perfectly matched how I was feeling.
Our break was almost over by now, and I've been dreading working on the upcoming album. It's not that I don't want to write music, or play together as a band, I'm just anxious about it all. So far Jinxx is the only one who knows that Andy's eating disorder has been confirmed, and I doubt Andy will be pleased if Jinxx tells Jake and CC. Which is stupid if he's upset about it. We want to help him recover, but he's gotten so consumed by anorexia, and depression, as well as cutting.
I do feel bad for him, simply terrible, but pitying him won't fix him. It won't bring back the Andy I used to know, the Andy who is not only the love of my life but best friend. I need him as much as he needs me, and if he dies due to anorexia I swear I'll never forgive him, or myself.

I sat down on the top step, rubbing my exposed hands together hoping to warm them. It didn't do me any good, and I wanted to go back inside. I didn't though, because then I'd look like I was admitting I was wrong and he was right. I suppose I could have taken the wrong approach on things, but I wasn't wrong overall. I wanted to save him from this, why can't he see that? Doesn't that show I care? I'm trying to save his life, isn't that a sign of caring? He'a even told me I'm his savior, so does this mean he wants to be saved? I'm so confused. I think apart from CC, Andy is the only other person I'll never understand.

​​​​​​I found myself absentmindedly playing with the necklaces around my neck, and when I felt the dog tags Andy gave me only made me feel a thousand times worse. I held them close to my chest and closed my eyes. If I'm supposed to save him, then I'll do it.. but this is his last chance. If I go back inside and he starts yelling at me, I'm done.
I stood up, punching the side of the house in frustration and went back inside. The second I entered the living room something just didn't feel right. I took off my coat, laying it on the arm chair and listening closely. I didn't hear Andy throwing up or anything, which was good..

"Andy?"
I called nervously, looking around the room. There was no sign of him or even a reply for that matter. He's probably in his room crying or something..