"Saviour Will Be There..." ((Andley Fanfic))

Chapter Twenty

Andy's POV:

"Just leave me alone!"

I screamed, as Jake tried to grab me again. He and Jinxx were both shouting at me now, and I was overwhelmed and upset and just wanted to be left the hell alone. So what they knew I had a problem, I don't care. It's MY life. It's MY body. I'll do whatever the hell I want. I'm not purposely trying to kill myself, but if I go too far I don't really care. Everyone is slowly killing themselves in some way. Each day I'm fighting to stay alive, and each day I'm breaking a little more.
Yeah I started cutting..but it's not very deep and I don't see why they care so much.
​​​​​​I don't know what I want anymore, what am I living for if I'm only running towards something unknown? Each day is a living hell, I can barely get through the day without having some sort of break down, causing me to hurt Ashley, which results in me isolating myself from him, only to feel more miserable and alone. I just don't see the point in living anymore. Isn't living more than just existing?

I snapped out of my thoughts as I felt myself being held down by Jake.

"What the hell's your problem?! Get off me! Where's Ashley?!"
I raised my voice, starting to panic. I don't even know why, Jake isn't going to hurt me, he's my friend. I just didn't want to be touched and I was freaking out.

"Andy, it's okay..he's sleeping. I think he's worn out,"
Jinxx spoke calmly, pulling Jake off of me. I quickly sat up and angirly glared at them. CC sighed,

"I think we all should get some sleep. I don't know about you guys but I'm exhausted. We could all sleep here and then figure things out tomorrow,"

"Okay, sounds good.. That okay with you, Andy?"
Jinxx asked, turning to me.

I didn't care if they stayed, honestly I'm done fighting for today and just wanted some peace and quiet. I nodded, mumbling 'sure' and got up, walking to my room and shutting the door.
​​​​​I heard the three of them talking, about me I presume. It actually angered me to no end, but I ignored it, crawling into bed and closing my eyes. I needed to go for a run, and I promised myself I'd go tomorrow, I just couldn't push myself tonight, as I was too tired. I can't believe I binged, again. Especially right in front of them. I tried not to eat, but they were watching me and I knew they'd become suspicious. That, and I hadn't eaten in days. If only I had their bodies.. But no, I was stuck in this horrible, disgusting, thing that was me. And they knew it, too. They wanted to make me feel ashamed I'm sure of it. CC was just stating the truth, I am overweight, he shouldn't have to lie, we both knew it. I just feel like they want me to slip up so they can prove how worthless I am. They'd be better off without me, I'm only an embarrassment to the band.
Once they'd seen the cuts on my arm I knew how disappointed they were..
I honestly felt like the biggest hypocrite ever. I'm telling our fans not to cut, not to starve, to stay strong and keep fighting, to keep living. Why listen to me when I'm doing the exact things I told them to never do.
I started cutting about a week ago, I don't feel anymore, I'm numb constantly. I'd rather be numb than feel anything, and that's what slicing my skin does, makes me numb.
Who knew a lifeless piece of metal could make the pain go away? I stopped confiding in people a while ago, they end up leaving. Everyone leaves. Ashley hasn't left yet, surprisingly. I know I'm wearing him out and as much as I love him I just want to be left alone. I can't keep avoiding him, that's all I've done. He shows me love and I repay him by isolating myself and being unresponsive. I'm a terrible boyfriend, not to mention terrible person, and I don't know what he sees in me or why he loves me..

​​​​​​My thoughts kept me up later than expected, and the talking from the living room slowly came to a stop. The lights were turned off and everything fell silent. Shortly after, I heard footsteps approaching. I pretended to be asleep as my door creaked open.