The Boy With The Hopeless Dreams

Chapter Twenty-Three

I didn’t go back to sleep that night. I lay awake, staring at my glow-in-the-dark solar system, wondering how on Earth life had gotten so complicated.  It was as though my life had morphed into an over-dramatic soap opera.

My alarm rang at seven and I angrily slammed it off, getting out of bed, already in a bad mood. The idea of school was almost repulsive and, as I made my way to the bathroom, I began plotting ways of how to destroy the school and all of the teachers in it. I was halfway through planning an attack by a vicious pack of unicorns when Mum knocked on the door.

“Lily, I can give you a ride to school if you need it.”  Her voice was soft, yet tired, and I could tell that she too had had no sleep. I spat out my toothpaste into the sink and replied.

“Thanks, Mum, that would be helpful.”

I finished up in the bathroom then dragged myself back to my bedroom.  Upon opening my wardrobe, I decided that today was a day where I couldn’t give a rat’s arse about how I looked, so I threw on a vest and a scruffy hoodie, pairing them with my oldest, most faded jeans.  After a quick glance in the mirror, I pulled my hair into a bun, trying my best to hide its ‘lack-of-shower’ grease.

Mum wasn’t in the kitchen when I entered for breakfast so I went about making some cereal.  Mac came in, wearing her unicorn pyjamas, reminding me of my evil plans, which itself reminded me of school. I scowled and Mac shrank under my gaze.

“Are you cross?” she said, half-whispering. I quickly adjusted my face into what I hoped was a smile.

“Not at you, Mac. I’m just tired.”

She looked significantly happier as she began pouring Coco Puffs into a bowl and drowning them in milk.  Not for the first time, I was envious of her innocence and ease of life.  I was still looking at her wistfully when Mum came in. She already had her coat on and the car keys in her hand.

“I’m sorry, but we have to leave,” she checked her watch. “now. I have an AA meeting in twenty minutes and I need to get Mac ready and if I’m going to take you to school as well, we have to leave now.”

I sighed.  Today was not going to be my day.

“Chill, Mum,” I said. “I can walk to school.  Thanks for the offer.”

Mum visibly relaxed and let out a long breath. She squeezed my shoulder.

“Thank you… That makes it so much easier.”

I didn’t realise taking me to school was such a bloody burden, I thought, mutinously. Shaking my head at my inner thoughts, I scarfed down my breakfast, I flung my bowl into the sink and prayed that it hadn’t smashed. I hurried upstairs and grabbed my bag and keys.  Shouting a goodbye to Mum, promising I’d be back after school, I opened the door and headed out into the cold.

I’d texted Amy saying I’d meet her in the form room and began my reluctant walk to school.  I plugged my headphones in and became lost in music, walking to the beat of each song. Then, the song changed to one I’d heard a million times before but I’d never truly listened to it.  As I did just that, the lyrics became all I could see and I’d slowed right down to a stop.

“Why is it so hard

For me to love you,

 When loving you

Is the easiest thing to do?

My heart is aching

For you to take me in your arms,

But my head is saying,

‘Don’t be fooled by his charms.’”