The Boy With The Hopeless Dreams

Chapter Twenty-Two

I wrenched the bag from his hand and turned around to walk back into the store, desperately wanting to return it.  

"Lily, please!"  

Sam grabbed my hand. I went to pull mine away but he held on tighter.  

"I had no choice-"

"You had every choice," I said, dangerously quietly. "I could have done it. Somebody else could have done it. So why did you do it?"

"I really needed the money to look after you and Thomas and I just- I'm sorry."

His face held such pain. The part of me that didn't want to be mad at him softened and begged the other - more sensible half - to just let it go, but I couldn't.

"I don't want anything to do with that money or those drugs," I said in a hushed voice, not wanting to be overheard.

Sam stiffened and I thought he had realised I was right. However, when I looked up from the ground, his face was stony.

"Does that mean you don't want anything to do with me?"

My stomach dropped. No, of course it didn't mean that! I tried to say these words but my mouth and brain were having trouble communicating. How could he think that I wanted nothing to do with him? Did he seriously doubt my feelings that much? Angry at this thought, I blurted out the first thing I thought.

"I'm sorry I'm not badass enough to be cool about this and think, 'yeah, class A drugs are all fine and dandy'. Maybe you should find a bad girl who's more your type."

He looked as shocked as I'd felt moments ago. Sam looked down at me and, for the first time, I was scared of him. His height suddenly became more prominent and I withered under his stare, wishing to be sucked into the ground.

I regretted what I'd said as soon as the words had come out but now there was no going back. After a few deep breaths, Sam spoke.  

"You know what? Maybe I will. You clearly think you're too good for me."  

I wasn't. What a ridiculous boy. I wanted to protest but I couldn't find the energy. I dropped the bag and turned on my heel, walking away from Sam.

I don't know how I made it to the bus stop; I could barely see through my tears. How could it have all gone so wrong? I was so invested in him that I overlooked all of the shady business. Now, I realised that that was a huge mistake. Of course, he would never be able to get away from Harvey and his cronies and I was naïve to think that it was all in his past.  

The wait for the bus was almost unbearable, my thoughts threatening to drown me. I kept on throwing glances over my shoulder, convinced I would see Sam's familiar form coming around the corner. But he never came. This couldn't be it for us.

***

I arrived home to find Mum, Thomas and Mac all sitting in the lounge playing Uno. I leaned against the doorframe, not wanting to interrupt. On the journey back, I'd used my phone as a mirror to make sure my face hadn't become too swollen and disgusting, adding a bit of concealer I carried in my bag under my eyes.  

When Mac noticed me, she leapt up.

"Where's Sam?" she asked. Thinking on the spot, I spun her and the others a lie.

"He just needed to do some extra shopping but I was feeling really tired so I came home."  

My mum looked at me suspiciously but I shook my head a fraction, begging her not to question me.

"And how is Thomas going to get home?" Mum questioned. Crap, I hadn't thought about that.

"I think Sam said something about Thomas needing to text him..." I lied again. Thomas immediately pulled out his phone and sent a text to his brother. "And I thought I'd stay here tonight. You know, nostalgia and all that." I trailed off, feebly, earning odd looks from my audience.