Poems for Everything (Part#1)

Conversation Between a Cutter and a Non-Cutter

Someone asked me one day:

"What are these scars from?"

I answered:

"Their battle scars that made it on the outside."

They asked me:

"Who were you fighting?"

I looked them straight in the eye and told them:

"Myself."

"That's stupid, why would you hurt yourself?"

"I'm trying to make the scars from the inside show on the outside."

"Why?"

"So people know that they hurt me."

"That makes no since, everyone gets hurt."

"Yes, but I can't handle getting hurt anymore."

"Why not?"

"I have to many scars on the inside, they're screaming for more space."

"So your hurting yourself, cause your weak?"

"Weak? If I were weak, I wouldn't hurt myself. I have the strength to take the blade to my skin and hurt myself. Cutters aren't weak, they're strong. They just have weaknesses that makes them call on that strength to hurt themselves."

"That makes no sense."

"Not cutting to cope makes no sense to myself."

"That's stupid."

"What?"

"Self-harm. It's just a call for attention."

"It's for control over something in life. If you don't understand that, then walk in my shoes for a day. When you do that, then tell me how stupid it is."

"Whatever."

That person is arrogant, just like most of the people are. Self-harm is not a call for attention, it's for control over something. In my life I have no control over my parents fighting, how my sister acts, the drama at school, the pain my friends go through, the heartbreak that happens to me and my friends, and how jerky my family is. And, before I had frriends who actually cared about me enough to reach out and get to know me, I only had the blade to help me through things. Ever since I got people around me who love me, I tried to get away from the blade, but I sometimes let it soothe my pain. It hurts others, and I hate that. It's been a month since my last cut, and I'm proud that I've made it this far without cutting. I hope to make it another month, then my goal will be six months, then a year. It will be hard, but with the love of my friends I'll stop for good, even if I want to. I know I will always be a cutter, but I'm going to stop cutting. I write poems now so that I don't want to as much. Most of them are about cutting and self-harm.