Home Again, Soldier

4- We Never Quite Thought We Could Lose It All

4-We Never Quite Thought We Could Lose It All
Title cred: Ready, Aim, Fire by Imagine Dragons

Jack and I hang out a lot more than I had ever expected. It's just nice. He talks so my head doesn't. He doesn't expect anything more from me than my company. He reads my facial expressions and just understands. But I haven't slept in a few weeks now, Jack passed out upstairs hours ago and there's nothing on Netflix. Sleep drags me under again.

It's always the same dream. Every night. I'm sitting in the backseat of my mum's car, but dad's driving. Her and dad are taking turns chewing me out. I defend myself and that turns up the heat in the tiny car a hundred notches. They're yelling louder now. Dad's so focused on his words of punishment he didn't see the two beams of light in front of him. It's my fault.

I wake up drenched in sweat with Hailey sitting at the foot of my bed with tired eyes and Jack peeking in through the door. I didn't want Jack to wake up, he's been pulling a bunch of all nighters with me, he falls asleep a lot though.

My head feels like it's spinning with guilt and fear; all from multiple sources.

Eventually Hailey and Jack go back to bed. I stay up, watching the sun rise through the thick window curtains. Around six there's a lot of commotion outside my door. Everyone is up, groaning about being tired as Hailey packs their lunch bags. First day of school, I miss that, the excitement of seeing who's in your classes and if the lunch will actually be edible this year.

Eventually the house goes silent and I can finally hear my heart beat against the pillow. I learned, that if I'm really quiet, I can hear the dull rhythmic sound of blood pumping through my veins. It's always the same sound, no matter what house I'm in. It's the sound that keeps me grounded, keeps me living. It's the sound of life. It comes with a certain sense of belonging and peacefulness.

The peacefulness is shattered when the shrill ringing off Haley's cell phone goes off. I listen to her voice echo through the empty house. She's talking to Sarah, telling her about my abnormal sleeping patterns, she sounds worried, or possibly tired (most likely tired). She laughs at something Sarah says, it's not a real laugh though, more of a courtesy laugh. "He's really connecting with Jack" Sarah must've been surprised because Hailey continues with "yeah, it's amazing. No he hasn't talked yet, but they just sit and watch movies or Jack will talk and Alex will just listen." there's a pause where Sarah's probably speaking. Hailey giggles "yeah, well I'd better get going, get him up to take his meds. Yep. Bye."

After the phone is set on the counter, I hear Hailey walk down the hall to my bedroom and tap on the door lightly before coming in. "I was hoping you'd be up to doing something today." she smiles hopefully "I have some errands I need help with, if you want."

I sit up in bed and blink a few times, she takes that as a yes and tells me we'll get going right after I get dressed and take my medication.

Thankfully, all the errands she needed help with today didn't involve the car, so I was happy to help. "Mrs. Eveline is such a big help to the house" Hailey explains as we walk to the house a few doors down. I'm carrying a casserole for Mrs. Eveline that Hailey made as a thank you. "she donates a lot of money to us for you guys." Hailey rings the doorbell.

It only takes a few seconds until the door is being pulled open and a woman appears. She's wearing a long blue dress paired with a pearl necklace all below a gigantic smile. "Hailey!" she cheers, hugging Hailey. "and you must be Alex" I keep my eyes on the casserole. It's lumpy, a sickly yellow colour and just overall unappetising, but Hailey's an excellent cook so I can only imagine it tastes better than it looks.

"Yeah. Alex here is my newest, he's helping me run errands whilst everyone else is at school." Hailey smiles over at me, I give her a smile l small nod back-- I doubt she noticed. "right now we just thought we'd being you over a casserole to say thank you for your previous donation.

"Wow, isn't that nice" Mrs Eveline coos, happily taking the casserole from my outstretched hands. "You know how much I love your casserole"

"The best casserole in the world!" Hailey cheers and they share a laugh. "Well, we'd better get going, lots of stuff to do"

"Of course! Of course!" Mrs Eveline smiles and waves goodbye to us as we walk back towards the house.

Next, Hailey and I go to town, carrying a small bag of library books to return. After we return them, she takes me to a little café where she orders a coffee and a tuna sandwich for herself and a French vanilla coffee and a turkey sandwich for me.

"So, I'm going to share a secret with you, and you can't tell anyone" Hailey giggles as we sit down at a small table in the corner with our lunch. As if I'd actually talk to someone, much less spill secrets. "The girls want to go to homecoming this year, and as far as they know, I'm hesitant because we are right on money. But I've been setting aside a little bit every now and again and bought them these two lovely dresses." she's smiling wildly, so proud of what she's done, and excited to see the result. "Now, I know the thrift store isn't the classiest place for dress shopping, but I got them each one in almost new shape for a great price. So after lunch we're going to pick them up from the dry cleaners. I gave her a casserole in exchange for free service"

I pick at my sandwich, I don't really feel like eating it but I do anyways. Homecoming. I went to homecoming my freshman year, before the bad shit happened. I can't remember the name of the girl I took, but I remember having a good time--expecially at the after party.

After lunch, we walk to the dry cleaners and Hailey talks about how I'm going to get started with my home schooling tomorrow, which is just a lot of online work. The bell dings as we walk in and the lady at the counter springs to life, smiling brightly "The best casserole ever, my husband likes it better than mine"

Hailey laughs as the counter lady is shifting through the clothes to find the two dresses. "Thank you"

"Here you go" the counter lady says, handing over two dresses dangling from coat hangers. One dress is a mint green with bedazzled straps and the other is a lavender strapless dress with a leather belt at the waist. "you have to get there picture and show me"

"Of course" Hailey smiles "thank you so much for doing this, it means a lot"

"Anything for you...and your casserole" counter lady laughs then wishes us a good day as we leave her establishment.

When we get back, I'm exaughsted, it's been a long day. I take the dresses and hide them in the closet in my room then collapse into the bed. That was a lot of social interaction.

Jack comes home a little later, hyped up and bouncy. He's babbling about his classes and all the cool teachers he has, to Hailey. After he throws down his backpack, that he claimed was far too heavy and he didn't even really need today, he found his way to my room. He's going on and on about his friends and I really just want him to leave. But when he finally does leave, I wish he'd stay, the room feels big and empty.

A/N

What even is this chapter? Mostly boring. It's a filler. I'm really just procrastinating doing my psych homework. The best motivator is procrastination.

~Danielle

"Will we have time to dance at the end of this hour?" -a guy during anatomy