Home Again, Soldier

9- It's Gonna Get Better

9- It's Gonna Get Better
Title cred: Coast by Patrick Stump

"I want to give you your room back" is the first thing I say to Hailey this morning, or ever really. I wake up to find her in the kitchen with tired eyes and looking like she needs a good chiropractor. This isn't the first time I've thought about giving her the bedroom back, I've wanted to forever. I just don't feel right being in her bedroom.

She looks confused as she blinks in my direction a few times. "What?" she asks. I don't think she was expecting me to talk, but at least when I did it would be something extravagant. Sorry Hailey, you shouldn't have had such high expectations. I just shrug.

"I'm fine, if that's what you're worried about. You can keep that room for as long as you need" she says with a smile. I know she's being honest, because she's just an amazing person, but it's the amazing people who give everything up for everyone else that they don't think of themselves.

I shake my head no and make a big deal of picking up my duffle bag and walking up the stairs. Hailey didn't stop me, and I kind of wonder if I wanted her to. Not because I want her room but because of the fact that I'm rooming with Jack now and it's going to be hard to run from my problems. But I'm going to do it. I'm going to stay here because I need to push myself, not a lot, but just enough.

I throw my suitcase on the bed that wasn't Jack's and then just kind of sat in the middle of the room, legs crossed. I've been here for almost five months. Five months. That's a lot in foster child time. It's December now and it's snowing...again. The snow fall started late November and, I shit you not, has not stopped falling since. I've never been fond of the cold, but at least I spend most of my days inside drinking hot cocoa and doing algebra online, all wrapped in a warm comforter and sitting on the couch.

It's been a few weeks since Jack and I kissed. We haven't kissed, or talked since that one time, but we're still okay. We watch movies together and I'm sure he'll be delighted to see I moved in with him.

I don't even know if I want to kiss him again because of my fear of heartbreak. But when we kiss, time stops and I have no feelings but the feeling of his lips against mine. It's like, for once, my brain goes silent because all I can focus on is breathing through my nose and making sure my brain doesnt do something stupid like bite his lips off or something. I know that I should be thinking of the negatives to kissing Jack again, because most of them end with me getting hurt, but what I really want is the feeling of freedom again.

I'm still trying to determine how insane I sound when Jack flings himself into the room, coming home from school. With him trails along a sharp chill that attached to his outer layer on the walk home, it makes me shiver.

"I'm so excited!" Jack throws his backpack down and smiles at me maniacally. I think I should start feeling regret right about now but Jack keeps talking so I can't stop to think about the regret. "I've always wanted a roommate, we're gonna have so much fun. I already decorated because I've been alone here forever but you can take stuff down and put your own up if you want."

I shrug because I don't have anything to put up on the walls to begin with, and besides I like the band posters he has taped up anyways. Jack's standing in front of me, looking like he's going to jump out of his skin from excitement, and I get the feeling. "I don't want to be touched, only hands" I feel like I have to tell him because I think I'm going to kiss him again and I can't do that until he knows my rules.

When he smiles and nods, like he knew that all along, I feel okay enough to lean in and press my lips against his. The amazing nothingness feeling washes over me again and all I do is focus on Jack. He takes his hands in mine and just barely swipes his tongue across my bottom lip, it wasn't heavy and needy but it was just enough to tickle.

I take a step back, away from him, so I can catch my breath, but I don't let go of his hands. He smiles crookedly at me "You're kind of amazing"

A/N

This is a filler chapter oops. A filler chapter Danielle really? I thought you were better than this. I'm so sorry.

~Fabulously Danielle

"Babe, babe. Pause supernatural I gotta show you something" *shows me an entire wedding made of cheese* -my girlfriend.