1- All This Darkness Will Surround You
Title cred: Candle by White Tie Affair
I'm not messed up enough to be put in the loony bin, I'm too fragile to be put into a military school, and certainly cannot live on my own, so my last hope is to be thrown into an orphanage. Actually, my case manager, Sarah, doesn't like the word 'orphanage' because it's really just a 'home for lost boys'. I'm sure that's what she tells the eight year olds to give it a happier Peter Pan feeling, but I'm sixteen and this isn't wonderland--wait I think that's the wrong fable. Whatever.
Sarah's talking but I'm not really listening, I'm laying in the backseat of her SUV pretending that I'm not in a car right now. I didn't know we stopped until she was tugging the backdoor open and announcing that we're here. I take a deep, shaky breath before stepping out of the car and finally opening my eyes. A fairly large house stood before me, it's older and needs a new coat of paint. The yard that lies in front of it is a sickly shade of green but not completely dead--like I am inside.
A woman emerges from the door with a wide toothed grin with her brown curls bouncing into a frame around her face. Sarah introduces her as Hailey. Hailey smooths down her floral print dress and smiles "Hello Alex" her voice is smooth honey and she moves even smoother as she gets my suitcase out of the trunk.
Sarah hands her a bag with my medication in it, or as I like to say the chemicals that give me a false front. I hate taking medication. It's so hard to remember if I took it or not and how much I'm supposed to take then half the time it doesn't even matter because I don't feel any different. I still feel like the anxiety ridden boy that gets passed from foster family to foster family like a beanbag no one wants because it leaks sadness and despair. Then, if I actually do find a mixture of chemicals that don't make me want to jump off a building every second of my life--my body gets used to it and anxiety takes over the medication, proving that it is stronger than me and my weapons of retaliation.
Sarah turns to me. "This is the last one," she whispers "I promise" That's what you said last time. Hailey is still smiling as I take my suitcase from her and follow her into the home. She's chatting away about the town and how I can walk to school, when I'm ready for school, and how there's a library and a bunch of fun teen hangouts within walking distance.
I'm watching my feet, making sure I don't fall, and she abruptly stops talking, when a new voice appears "Boy?" says the masculine voice. I look up to see a guy about my age with a wild grin and hopeful eyes.
"Jack, this is Alex. Remember, I told you he was coming." Hailey says to Jack, the boy in front of me wearing skinny jeans and a blink-182 shirt, my favourite band. Jack looks confused, as to say 'I remember nothing', and Hailey sighs then turns to me. "This is Jack, he's been with me for, like, thirteen years. He'll help you get situated around the house"
"Is he gonna be my new roommate?" Jack asks, excitedly "you know I've been asking for one forever"
"Sorry sweetie, but Alex gets his own room for now" she says a little guiltily
"Which room?" Jack asks "I thought they're all full. 'Cause I got one, you got one and Dayna and Lindsey have one."
"He's getting my room for a while." Hailey bites her lip. I look up at her and feel my stomach drop with guilt. What? I don't want to steal her room. I can sleep on the couch, I probably won't be here long anyways. I open my mouth to object but nothing comes out. Dammit.
"But my room is upstairs and has an extra bed" Jack pouts. I look back down and start picking at my nails. I know why she's doing it, because she doesn't want me to wake anyone else up with my nightmares followed by self induced insomnia.
"Jack, we're not discussing this now" Hailey says sternly, but not menacingly. "show him to his room, please."
Jack didn't put up any fight, he just smiled my way and told me to follow him. He leads me down the hallway talking about how he's excited to have another guy around here. I didn't want to disappoint him, but no one keeps me long and even if there was the slightest chance she'd keep me, I'm not really friend material; more of a lone wolf type. He pushes open the door to my bedroom and kind of awes at it. "wow man, if you ever get lonely I'm always down for a sleepover, I mean, look at this bed" he squishes down the down comforter. It's probably one of the nicest beds I've had since I was fourteen. The last place I was at had a creaky bed, but it wasnt as bad as the one where they made me sleep on hay in the barn.
"You don't talk much, do you?" he's sitting on the bed and I'm standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking at the floor like a loser. "that's okay" he continues "I like talking. Maybe we can figure out a yes or no system so if I ask you, like, do you want pizza, you can nod yes or no. And like, if I give you multiple choices you can point or something. You know?" I keep my eyes locked on the ground. "we'll work on it" he chuckles a little.
Hailey calls for Jack and Jack promises he'll be back, I kind of hope he doesn't come back though. I leave the blue suitcase at the edge of the bed and crawl into the bed and under the covers. Every thing is fluffy and soft and I really need to thank Hailey for this because it is such a nice bed. I bring my knees up to my chest and close my eyes. I don't necessarily want to sleep but it feels like I'm breathing in rocks and I just want to shut it all out. I didnt really sleep well for the past couple weeks, being shifted here and there until I could find somewhere to stay. I hate sleeping, but the comfort pulls me into a dull nap.
It's odd, how everything truly changes with a blink of the eye. Like how you think you got the whole world in front of you, metaphorically at least, but then, unexpectedly, it's there physically. It comes with bright headlights, screaming tires and a blackout.
It's my fault.
I wake up drenched in sweat, with a dry throat and scratchy lungs. The door opens but only half notice it because Im shaking so hard and my thoughts are everywhere. Hailey comes in with a glass of water in her hands and sits on the edge of my bed, following the rules to not touch me. "You fell asleep as soon as you got here" she says with a soothing voice, watching me with caring eyes. I'm still freaking out. It's my fault. It's my fault. "I thought I'd just let you rest, Sarah had said you haven't slept in a few weeks." I don't look at her. I'm still freaking out. It's my fault. It's my fault. Tears are streaming down my face and I feel stupid.
She sets the water on the bedside table. "It's not your fault, sweetie" she tries. Everyone tries. Everyone lies. It is my fault. All my fault. "you shouldn't blame yourself" I should. I deserve it. It should've been me. Every bad thing that happened to me after the accident is me paying back fate for not dying that night. If I'd just been a better kid.
My head swirls and my throat leaks out a painful sound as the images of everything my life has come to cloud my vision. I'm grasping my hair so tight, tugging, and through my blurry eyes I see Hailey twitch a little like she wants to hold me and comfort me. I'm glad she doesn't though, it makes things worse. My head's pounding and I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can.
"Not right now, Jack" I hear Hailey's distorted voice through my hollow screams of agony. I must've woke up more than just Hailey, which only makes me feel worse. The pain is like a swift kick to the gut and I double over, throat crackling.
The door closes, causing me to jump and freak out more, but at least I know Jack is gone. "He's a sweet kid" I try focusing on the sound of her voice "Man, he's so happy you're here. He doesn't really care about anything really, he's just glad you're here."
A/N
Yikes an actual fic that's not petekey, thats... different. But I actually like this idea paired with Jalex better so yes this shall be.
~Danielle
"Where the hell did you get pizza rolls from?" -my econ teacher to me in the middle of class.
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Home Again, Soldier
Fanfiction"This is the last one," she whispers "I promise" That's what you said last time. Alex lost everything in one second, and now he blames himself. He then gets bounced from foster home to foster home until he gets to Hailey's home, where three other ki...
