Home Again, Soldier

14- Can We Create Something Beautiful And Destroy It?

14- Can We Create Something Beautiful And Destroy It?

Title cred: Disasterology by Pierce The Veil

"So you're dating Jack?" Sam asks as we sit at the table after school to start our project.

"How'd you know?" I ask, surprised that she knew, I didn't tell anyone and I'm pretty sure Jack didn't either. Not that I care but still.

They laugh "I know Jack, he hasn't changed much"

And now I'm back to thinking about Jack leaving me if I don't have sex with him. I pull out my pencil with a small sigh that they pick up on scarily fast. "What?" they ask

"Nothing" I shrug "let's just work on this"

"I mean, if you need to talk to somebody, and it can't be Jack for some reason, I'm here. Even if it's about Jack, I'm not going to give you bad advice just because him and I had a falling out."

I nod, biting on the tip of my pencil. "Did you ever sleep with Jack?" I have no clue why I had just blurted that out. Honestly sometimes I'd like to believe that my mouth is paying me back for not talking for a year.

They purse their lips, tapping their pencil on the table, thinking of what to say. "We were just friends" they look down at the paper and write 'Human' at the top of the food chain. I'll take that as a 'yes now let's work so we don't have to talk about this anymore'.I take her silent advice and pull out my notebook.

Afterwards, Jack meets me at the front of the school, a big smile appearing on his face when he sees me. I just slide in when he greets me then listen to him talk about how much he hates history.

I barely have enough energy left to make it home, so once I see my bed, my lovely, comfy, welcoming bed, I gravitate towards it. I crawl under the covers and pull the blanket over my head to hide away from my fears. Death feels okay right now. Like I said, I'm not suicidal, but I'm just saying that if I were dead right now I wouldn't feel like shit. I learned that these thoughts are called suicidal ideation, but it doesn't make them any more comforting.

"Hey sexy Lexi. Wanna go to the mall?" Jack's voice rings out, normally I don't mind listening to it but today it sounds shrill and annoying rather than soft and comforting.

"Fuck off" I growl from beneath my pillows. I'm not angry with him but there's anger somewhere.

"Did Sam say something to you?" Jack asks

I had actually forgot about my worries involving sex until Jack brought it up. Now I'm exaughsted and some other emotion that closely resembles anxiety. "Not everything's about you" I growl

"Then what's wrong?" he asks

Nothing. Nothing's wrong, really. I'm just exaughsted, so drained of life that I can't even muster up the strength to reply to him again, so I just bring my knees to my chest and stare at the blue comforter that's thrown over my head.

I stayed in bed the rest of the afternoon and into the night. By the time morning rolled around I still couldn't get out of bed so Hailey let me stay home. When she left for grocery shopping, I fell asleep feeling safe until I woke up in my usual cold sweat just in time for Jack to come home.

"You missed it in history today" he throws his backpack at his bed and it bounces off the mattress and rolls onto the floor. "Gerard was drawing pictures of everyone as zombies, I look pretty freaking cool."

He sits at the edge of my bed and pets my hair back. I pull at his arm until he's laying down next to me with his forehead pressed against mine. My fingers curl around his shirt and on holding on for dear life because right now I feel like he's going to leave any second now. He giggles and pecks his lips against mine, it's short and chaste but meaningful.